Let’s take our Bibles together and turn to the Book of Proverbs. We return to Collection III of Proverbs. And today is the second part of our three-part treatment of Collection III. I’m giving you thirty resolutions to live by from this section of Scripture. Last week we looked at Resolutions 1-11. Today we are going to look at Resolutions 12-19. These are resolutions that will help a young man (and others too) live lives that are pleasing before the Lord. 

Last week I told you about Jonathan Edwards and his seventy resolutions for life written at age nineteen. I must admit, those were written a long time ago. And it’s been fascinating to me how lately “rules for life” have made a comeback in our society. 

Not that long ago Jordan Peterson’s Twelve Rules for Life became a runaway bestseller. Peterson has become a phenomenon online and in print media. Millions of young men seem to be flocking to hear what he has to say about life and work and living a life with meaning. 

For the record, I like Peterson’s book. Even though I think the first rule in that book, “Stand Up Straight with Your Shoulders Back,” derived from lobsters who are evolutionarily related to human beings, is patently ridiculous. Peterson likewise does a bit too much Jungian psychologizing for my taste. 

But I do appreciate his conservative approach to personal accountability and responsibility. And to the extent that his Twelve Rules jives with Christian principles, I think he’s spot on. 

For example, his sixth rule is “Set Your House in Perfect Order Before You Criticize the World.” That’s a good rule, although “perfect” is unattainable. And from my perspective, it’s derivative of biblical principles (I’m sure Peterson would agree with that). In fact the language itself of “putting your house in order” is derived from Isaiah 38:1 and 2 Kings 20:1.

And I guess that’s where I struggle the most with Peterson’s writings. The question I keep asking is why do kids flock en masse to read his books and watch his videos, when they can just go to the Bible for similar content?

“Where should they go, Pastor Tony?” Well, I like the Ten Commandments. That’s a good place to start. But also, what about the book of Proverbs? Why not go there? 

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That’s where we are going this morning—Proverbs 23:18–24:2. Write this down as #12 in your notes. Here’s the twelfth resolution to live by from Collection III of Proverbs. Once again, this is framed as a prohibition.

12) Don’t despise discipline (23:12–14)

Solomon says in verse 12,  

12 Apply your heart to instruction and your ear to words of knowledge. 

The word for “instruction” here is the Hebrew מוּסָר (mû·sār). And it’s the same word that’s used in verse 13. Solomon says there. 

13 Do not withhold discipline [מוּסָר] from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. 

This is one of those instances where I wish the ESV would use the same word in both places, because the author is intentionally linking verse 12 and verse 13. Let me read verses 12 and 13 with the same English word in both places, and see if you can sense the linkage. 

12 Apply your heart to [discipline] and your ear to words of knowledge. 

13 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. 

14 If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol. 

The reason I wanted to emphasize the use of the word “discipline” in both of those verses is because I want you to see that discipline is more than just the use of the rod. It’s more than just spanking and grounding and punishing your kids. It also involves teaching. It also involves instruction. It also involves young people opening their ears to knowledge and their hearts to מוּסָר. Kids need to be committed to מוּסָר. And parents need to be committed to מוּסָר.

Let me say it this way. Let me go NT for a moment and give you a little wordplay. Parents, you aren’t just disciplining your children, you are discipling them. You are raising up little Jesus-following disciples. We as a church, as I’ve said before, are raising up an army of Jesus-followers who are prepared to serve Christ and represent Christ in this world. That’s a high calling for both kids and parents!

Now let me say a few things to the kids. And let me say a few things to the parents too. Because these three verses address both. Verse 12 is for the kids. Verses 13 and 14 are for parents. Kids, be teachable, humble receptors of your parents’ instruction. 

I told Alastair all the time when he was young, 

שְׁמַ֣ע בְּ֭נִי מוּסַ֣ר אָבִ֑יךָ וְאַל־תִּ֝טֹּ֗שׁ תּוֹרַ֥ת אִמֶּֽךָ׃ (shema beni musar avika; va-al titosh torat imeka)

That’s Proverbs 1:8. Notice the word מוּסָר (“instruction” or “discipline”) in that verse. And notice the word תּוֹרָה too. That’s the word for “teaching” that should be taught by the mother. In the Hebrew, the word is תּוֹרָה. So listen to mama’s torah!

But what I didn’t tell him enough was Proverbs 1:9. Why should he listen to his parents? Because dad’s instruction and mom’s torah is a graceful garland for a child’s head and a pendant for a child’s neck. In other words, that instruction blesses young lives. 

Do all parents bless their children with good instruction? No. But most do. And most here at our church do! So I don’t need to qualify this statement for this audience. 

Kids, be willing to be disciplined… be willing to be discipled by your parents and the church that is helping your parents to shape you into strong, capable, godly individuals. 

Now, parents let me talk to you for a moment, because verses 13 and 14 are primarily for you. There was a time in our country when discipline and even discipline with a rod was abused, and led to some dangerous stuff. And even though that still exists today, the problem in American society today, by and large, isn’t discipline that is too harsh, it’s no discipline at all. 

And the Bible says, 

13 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. 

14 If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol [that is, from an early death!].

I’ve said these things before, but let me say them again. Spankings should be done in a controlled manner and not with outbursts of anger. So before you discipline with the rod, parents, you need to cool off. You need to think through it rationally and you need to decide whether or not the punishment fits the crime. And you need to make sure that you’re not angry and lashing out at your children because you had a bad day at work or didn’t get enough sleep the night before.

Let me help you a little more with this. There were three “spankable” offences in our home when my son was little. We called these the three D’s: 1) Defiance, 2) Disrespect, and 3) Dishonesty. Don’t spank your kids because they got a B on their report card. Don’t spank a child for forgetfulness. Don’t spank a child for making messes unintentionally. Don’t spank a child for being rambunctious, especially if you’ve pumped him full of sugar and caffeine. 

Also I would encourage you to use a designated rod or belt. Don’t use your hands to slap or hit your children. Spank with a rod. Don’t use your hand. Don’t kick them with your feet. Take a rod or a spoon or a belt or whatever you use—it was always a belt in my house—and display that in front of your children. If they start down a road of defiance, you direct their gaze to the rod. 

Let me give you a little more advice. Spank them on the butt. When I was a kid my pastor’s wife would always say God gave them ample padding back there, that’s where you should spank. Don’t slap them in the face. Don’t pull their hair. 

Here’s some more advice, you need to make sure it hurts. My pastor used to say when I was a kid, “If it doesn’t hurt when you spank, you’re not doing it right.” There’s a way to lovingly and discerningly correct behavior with a quick and painful spanking. And then you can reaffirm your love and your commitment to your children.

Also make sure you spank at the appropriate age. If you are spanking a pre-teen, you lose. If you are forced to use the rod on a Junior Higher, you’re too late. That’s something that is done by the first, second, or third grade. Spanking is intended for the children who are not developed enough to figure it out on their own and so a quick experience of pain protects them from hurting themselves or others. As your kids age, that needs to be replaced by reasoning and dialogue and other more meaningful types of punishment. 

I’m going to come back to this statement in a moment, but you need to know that “rules without reasons lead to rebellion.” That’s true of kids in the home. That’s true of us right now as we are embracing resolutions to live by.

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Write this down as #13. Here’s another resolution to live by. 

13) Pursue wisdom and make your parents happy (23:15–16)

You might say, “Have you met my parents, Pastor Tony? My dad has a permanent scowl on his face.” Okay, well think of an idealized situation with ideal parents. 

And in many ways, this is an outworking of the previous resolution. If parents and children fulfill the previous resolution (“Don’t despise discipline”), then this is going to be the result of that later in life. 

And by the way, the goal in parenting is not to perpetuate adolescence. The rod has a temporary purpose. Parents have roughly eighteen years to discipline and disciple. But then, baby bird needs to fly. 

Solomon says in verse 15, 

15 My son, if your heart is wise, my heart too will be glad. 

16 My inmost being will exult when your lips speak what is right. 

This prompts the question: what does a wise heart look like? What do lips that speak what is right look like? Well, let me be crystal clear about this. You want your children to espouse the truths about God recorded in his Word. That is your endgame, parents. You raise kids to fear God, follow Christ, and obey God’s Word. The end! Nothing in your life or their lives is more important than that. 

I remember at about age twenty, sitting down with my dad. And I could see the joy in his face when I was able to carry on a conversation with him that wasn’t about video games, basketball, or the latest stupid movie I had just watched. And we just had a conversation, adult to adult. We talked about the Lord. We talked about theology. We talked about economics. We talked about politics. We talked about life. And it was good. My dad was beaming with excitement.

I’ve told you before that famous line by Mark Twain, “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” Well the opposite happens as well. Parents wake up one day and their little boy or little girl is 21 years old. And lo and behold, they think and talk like adults. It’s a shocking development. They actually grow up. Or at least, they should! 

And Solomon here in Proverbs 23, with no sheepishness or reservations at all, basically tells his son, “When you grow up, son, I want you to make me happy!” And I can just imagine Solomon’s son saying, “How do I make you happy, dad?” Solomon says here, “Be wise! Speak what is right! Speak that torah that your mama taught you about. And don’t be a foolish son.” 

If that’s what a wise son looks like, then what does a foolish son look like? Well, we’ll get to that in a moment with sex and booze.   

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But first write this down as #3. Here’s a fourteenth resolution for life. 

14) Be led by the fear of the Lord (23:17–18)

Solomon says in verse 17,  

17 Let not your heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day. 

We’ll talk about envying sinners more in a moment. But let’s focus here on the fear of the Lord. The fear of the Lord is a wholistic concept for life. Why do we avoid sin? Because we fear the Lord. Why do we run away from evildoers? Because we fear the Lord. Why do we gather at church and worship the Lord? Because we fear the Lord. Why do we study his Word? Because we fear the Lord. 

Is fear of the Lord abject terror? No. Is fear of the Lord a kind of dread of knowing God and avoidance of him? No. The fear of the Lord has a positive effect on our life. We love God. We worship God. We are comforted with the fact that God is in control of this world. The fear of the Lord has a stabilizing effect on our lives. 

And no, we are not buddy-buddy with the God of the Universe. And that’s okay. I don’t need another buddy. And I don’t need God to be my buddy. I need God to be God. I need to know that there is a Sovereign Power over this universe that I’m accountable to. That is healthy and stabilizing for my life. 

And Solomon doesn’t just say “fear the Lord” here. He’s said that elsewhere. He says here, 

17 Let not your heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day. 

You might ask, “When should I fear the Lord?” Answer: Every day! And all day long! In fact, your fear of the Lord, combined with love for him and hope in him, will grow and intensify as you age. 

Just by way of personal testimony, let me tell you, I love the Lord now more than I ever have in my life. I’ve been a Christian for nearly forty years. And I love the Lord now more than ever. And I fear him now more than ever too. And my hope in the future is stronger now then at any time throughout my life. 

And then Solomon says this in verse 18. Speaking of hope…

18 Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off. 

This is similar to that “Sheol” reference in verse 15. People who don’t fear God tend to die untimely deaths. They chase sin, and they suffer the consequences of it. But I’m not so sure that there isn’t a hint of eternity in this passage, as we’ve seen before in Proverbs. In other words, verse 18 is clueing you into the fact that those who fear the Lord and put their faith in him will have a future and a hope, and that hope of eternal life will not be cut off. 

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Write this down as #15. Here’s another resolution for life.  

15) Don’t chase dissipation (23:19–21)

Solomon says in verse 19, 

19 Hear, my son, and be wise, and direct your heart in the way. 

20 Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat, 

“Can we drink alcoholic beverages, Pastor Tony?” Yes, we can. But don’t be a drunkard. “Can we eat meat, Pastor Tony?” Yes, please do. Invite me to lunch. I’ll eat it with you. But don’t be gluttonous in that. 

And the reason for that is because that is sinful. That’s clear in other passages of Scripture, and implicit in this statement. But that’s not the main reason why Solomon says avoid excess with food and drink. The reason he gives here is more practical. Look at verse 21.

21 for the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and slumber will clothe them with rags. 

Are all drunkards poor? No. Are all gluttons clothed in rags? No. But plenty of people waste their money and their lives chasing the cheap thrills of sensual pleasures.  

By the way, there are two ways to understand verse 21. One is literal, meaning that people who obsess with food and drink will be clothed in rags because they are poor. That makes sense with the parallelism. But the word “slumber” is curious. It could be translated “drowsiness.” So what Solomon could be saying, maybe even as a double-entendre, is that gluttons and drunkards are clothed with the rags of drowsiness. In other words, they sleep through life chasing cheap thrills.

Either way, the point is clear—Don’t chase dissipation.  

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Write this down as #16. Solomon comes back to parental instruction here. 

16) Be attentive to parental guidance (23:22–25)

Look at verse 22. 

22 Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old. 

23 Buy truth, and do not sell it; buy wisdom, instruction, and understanding. 

There’s a great moment in Pilgrim’s Progress when Christian and Faithful are at Vanity Fair looking at all the ridiculous unnecessary things that people are buying. And one of the carnival barkers says, “What will ye buy?” And they replied, “We will buy the truth.”

Truth is the Hebrew word אֱמֶת (ʾěměṯ). Can you buy אֱמֶת? No. Can you sell it? No. This is metaphor. But feel the power of this metaphor. If truth were gold, you would buy it and never sell it. If truth were a stock, buy it. And keep it. And watch its value rise. To be honest that analogy breaks down, because the strategy for the stock market is buy low and sell high. You don’t do that with truth. You buy it and you hold onto it. Because unlike gold, truth offers intrinsic value to your life. 

And to truth (אֱמֶת), the author adds wisdom (חָכְמָה [ḥāḵ·mā(h)]), instruction (מוּסָר [mû·sār]), and understanding (בִּינָה [bî·nā(h]). If you are a young person, buy these commodities and store them away. They will enrich your life. And if you are a parent, give these good gifts to your children. Give them truth. Give them wisdom. Give them instruction and understanding. Don’t just give them to your children, embody them in the life that you live. Some things are caught and some things are taught. 

And look at verse 24. Here it is again: Make your dad happy!

24 The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice; he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him. 

You might say after reading verse 24, “What about mama?” Well, we all know that “if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!” 

And mama is mentioned in verse 25.

25 Let your father and mother be glad; let her who bore you rejoice.

And notice that mama is mentioned in verse 22, “Do not despise your mother when she is old.” In other words, mom still has some choice pieces of wisdom to offer you even after you grow up and leave the house. 

And mom is still gaining wisdom after you leave the house. Mom gets wiser as she gets older. So listen to her. And if you are a mom who is a “seasoned saint,” then you make sure that you have growing wisdom and guidance to offer your children as they age.

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Write this down as #17. Let’s get uncomfortably practical now with this seventeenth resolution.  

17) Don’t be seduced by illicit sex (23:26-28)

Solomon says in verse 26. This is a conversation that every father needs to have with his son and with his daughter repeatedly throughout adolescence. 

26 My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways. 

27 For a prostitute is a deep pit; an adulteress is a narrow well.

28 She lies in wait like a robber and increases the traitors among mankind. 

Another word for “the traitors” is “the unfaithful.” Illicit sex leads to unfaithfulness. It leads to the breakdown of marriage and the family. It often leads to divorce. It often leads to unwanted pregnancies and pornography addictions and STDs and sexual permissiveness and sexual confusion and the fraying of the moral fabric of an entire nation. 

“Nah, that would never happen, Pastor Tony!” We’re watching it happen right in front of our eyes! You might say, “Come on, Pastor Tony. I would never visit a prostitute or commit adultery. But I do watch sexually explicit material sometimes. No big deal.” 

Okay, what do you think that is? That is the sexual exploitation of another person for your own perverted enjoyment. It’s digital prostitution. It doesn’t honor the person. It doesn’t honor God. It doesn’t honor your wife or your future wife. If you are a woman, it doesn’t honor your husband or your future husband. And if you are doing that (watching pornography) even with the consent of your spouse, you need to quit! 

And if you are a young person, let me warn you right now. Pornography is about as addictive as crack cocaine… especially for young men. I’m not even joking. And you need pornography in your life about as much as you need a hole in your head. Don’t buy in to the cultural mindset that it’s not that big a deal. It is a big deal!

“What am I supposed to do then, Pastor Tony?” Well, at the risk of being idealistic and old fashioned, let me answer that. Be sexually pure. Grow up. If you are able, find a spouse. Get married. Have sex. Have kids. And live happily ever after. 

“That never happens, Pastor Tony.” Yeah, it does. Except for the happily ever after part… that needs to be nuanced a bit. But it does happen. It can happen. And we need to encourage that “to happen” as a church. 

And I know there are myriads of stories and exceptions to that in this room. I don’t want to qualify everything I say with a “yeah, but.” I know many of us have fallen short of that ideal. But we still need to advocate for it! And we should fight for this in our lives and in the lives of our children. 

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“Boy, this is uncomfortable, Pastor Tony.” I know. But why stop now? Let’s talk about booze. Here’s another resolution for you.

18) Don’t be given to drunkenness (23:29–35)

Look at verse 29. This is great. Look how this starts. It starts as a riddle.  

29 Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaining? Who has wounds without cause? 

At this point, you might be asking, “What is this? Are we still in Proverbs?” This is a very creative way to broach this topic. He’s setting you up for the delivery of his principle in just a moment. 

Who has redness of eyes? 

Okay, now he’s zeroing in on the problem. Who does have redness of eyes? 

30 Those who tarry long over wine; those who go to try mixed wine. 

Alright, so now we’ve solved the riddle. What causes woe? What causes sorrow? What causes wounds without cause? Answer, an unmoderated pursuit and indulgence of strong drink.

You might say, “I don’t drink wine, Pastor Tony. I drink Jack Daniels. So this passage isn’t about me.” Yeah, I don’t think you want to stand before the Lord and make that argument.

You might say, “I don’t drink strong drinks, Pastor Tony. I’m more into chewables. I’m more into marijuana.” Yeah, I don’t think you want to stand before the Lord and make that argument either. The warning here is not, “Don’t drink wine.” We see wine as a gift from God elsewhere in the Scriptures. The warning here is don’t be inebriated. The warning here is stay in control of your senses, and don’t let substances control you. 

Here’s why I say that. Look at verse 31.   

31 Do not look at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup and goes down smoothly. 

32 In the end it bites like a serpent and stings like an adder. 

More often than not, drunks are “mean drunks” not “happy drunks.” And even “happy drunks” are susceptible to dangers. Your faculties are impaired. Your inhibitions are released. You make mistakes when you’re drunk.  

Look at verse 33.

33 Your eyes will see strange things, and your heart utter perverse things. 

34 You will be like one who lies down in the midst of the sea, like one who lies on the top of a mast. 

What an image. Imagine a ship with a tall mast. And there you are, tied to the top of it, as the boat ebbs and flows and surges and undulates in the water. That’s about right. I think Solomon was speaking from experience here. He must have had too much to drink at some point or another. And he’s saying here, it’s not worth it. It makes you feel like you’re swaying uncontrollably at sea.

Look at verse 35.

35 “They struck me,” you will say, “but I was not hurt; they beat me, but I did not feel it. When shall I awake? I must have another drink.” 

What’s that all about? I’ll tell you what that’s about. That’s alcoholism. And if you’ve ever been around an alcoholic, or if you’ve ever been an alcoholic, you know, “It ain’t pretty.” And you’re better off not testing your limits with this stuff. Because when you get hooked, it’s awfully difficult to get sober. And when you fall off the wagon, it’s awfully difficult to get back on again.  

Back to Jordan Peterson for a moment. He’s become lately a pretty strong advocate for abstinence in regard to alcohol. I find that fascinating. And lots of people are moving that direction now. Lots of young people even are moving that direction. It’s like Billy Sunday all over again, except that now it’s people who aren’t even connected to the church.

And here’s my approach to booze, let me just tell you what I think. I have pretty much the same perspective on booze that I do of sex and that I do of firearms. They are extremely dangerous. But they can be used for good. If you can’t handle them in a God-honoring way, then stay away. But in their proper context, with the fear of the Lord as your guide, they can be used for good. There is something to the old adage, “All things in moderation.” 

Paul tells us in Romans 13:13–14 to not walk as drunkards, but put on the Lord Jesus Christ.

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One more resolution today. We’ll pick up where we leave off next week. Write this down as a nineteenth resolution. 

19) Don’t be envious of evildoers (24:1–2)

The Puritan Charles Bridges (1794–1869) said once, “The Christian is the only person in the world who should be envied.” Because who has it better than us?

Solomon says in chapter 24, verse 1,

1 Be not envious of evil men, nor desire to be with them, 

2 for their hearts devise violence, and their lips talk of trouble.  

Solomon’s father, King David, wrote the following in Psalm 73. There’s a little bit of a lament here as he says, “For I was envious of the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.” Was David being serious, or was he being ironic? I think he’s serious. 

I think he actually envied evildoers, because to be honest, I’ve envied evildoers myself. Sometimes I want to be the one who drinks too much, sleeps around, gets rich cheating people, lives fast, and dies hard. I don’t always envy evildoers, mind you… just in my weak moments. But sometimes I do. 

And as part of that lament in Psalm 73, David says at the end, “Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (73:23–26).  

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Let me close on that note. This is really important. If you stopped listening to me at some point during this sermon, maybe somewhere when I mentioned sex or booze, please tune back in. I learned a long time ago that “rules without reasons lead to rebellion.” And one of the reasons I love that Psalm 73 passage is because that final statement provides the motivation and the reasoning for embracing these rules and living a life that pleases God. 

God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (73:23–26). I don’t want resolutions just for resolutions’ sake. That’s empty. I want to embrace these resolutions in Proverbs because “God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” 

And I want you to embrace these resolutions because you fear God, love God, and have put your faith in Christ Jesus as your savior. Rules without Reasons lead to Rebellion. But Rules by way of a relationship with Jesus leads to Rejoicing.

How do I get a relationship with Christ? How do I find that place of peace and joy and eternal hope? You put your faith in the finished work of Christ on the cross.