Let’s take our Bibles together and turn to the OT Book of Proverbs. Today, we return to Proverbs. And we begin a new section of this book namely Collection V. 

If you will, look at verse 1 of chapter 25, where it says, 

1 These also are proverbs of Solomon which the men of Hezekiah king of Judah copied.

The word “copied” there could also be translated “compiled.” And the idea here is that several of Solomon’s proverbs that weren’t previously part of his official writings were collated and added to his other writings. And this took place posthumously. This took place roughly 250 years after Solomon died, in the days of King Hezekiah. Perhaps as the Northern Kingdom of Israel fell to the Assyrians, the Southern Kingdom of Judah received an influx of fresh proverbs that were written by Solomon years earlier. Therefore King Hezekiah and his men added this collection to the other collections.

I read several years ago that the great American novel, Moby Dick by Herman Melville, was a colossal flop when it first came out. Melville died impoverished and forgotten. But forty years after his death, the novel started to take off as a huge success. His success as a novelist was predominantly posthumous.    

Some of you might remember a few years ago when there was a documentary released about the Beatles called “The Beatles: Get Back.” And I remember all the crazed Beatles fans out there getting excited about never-before-seen footage of John, Paul, George, and Ringo. There was also footage in that documentary of their last live performance as a group, a rooftop concert in London.

Now those parallels to what we read here in Proverbs 25:1 aren’t perfect. It’s not quite the same as Moby Dick or “The Beatles.” But something like that is happening here. King Hezekiah’s officials have collated some of Solomon’s proverbs. And they added them to the collections that were already being circulated and used in the Israelite community. So there were Collections I-IV. And now there is Collection V.

And that doesn’t mean that this collection is just a hodgepodge of random proverbs that have no organization or correlation. Actually, no. As I read Proverbs 25, the central idea that emerges from this group of Proverbs is the concept of “self-control.” 

And we know, as NT Christians, that self-control is a fruit of the Spirit. Paul gives nine “fruits” of the Spirit in Galatians 5, and the last of those is self-control. There’s “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Gal 5:22–23). But self-control is not strictly a NT concept. It’s an OT concept as well. And Solomon spoke on self-control. He wrote proverbs about it. And King Hezekiah’s men collated some of his proverbs on this subject in chapter 25 of this book. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, write this down in your notes. I want to give you three points from the passage today on self-control. Here’s the first. 

1) Self-control resists self-promotion (14:1–7)

Solomon says in verse 2, 

2 It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out. 

Job said that God’s wisdom is “hidden from the eyes of all living” (Job 28:21).  It is good and proper for man to search out the deep things of God. But some things are beyond our reach. It’s beyond even the reach of great men and kings!  

You can see the intentionality of how Hezekiah’s men put these Proverbs together, because the first seven verses deal with kings. That would have been especially relevant for Solomon when he wrote these. But also for King Hezekiah years later. 

And there’s an implicit inference built into verse 2 that God’s role in society, God’s role in revelation, is vastly superior to human kings. And that’s true. The secret things of the Lord belong to the Lord. And God gloriously conceals things. But he has created mankind in such a way that it is glorious for us to search out that which he conceals. And to the extent that this is true for mankind in general, it’s especially true for kings. 

You see, kings were meant to be the perfect representative of mankind. They rarely were that. Solomon and Hezekiah were two of the best kings in the ancient world. But most kings are colossal failures. Just look at the kings of England over the centuries. About every third ruler of England was a dullard. Even today the royal family has its—let’s just say—embarrassments. 

And that was true in ancient Israel too. But idealistically, the king was to function as a perfect representative of mankind. And the Hebrew king was supposed to study God’s Word and read God’s Word to the people (see Deut 17:18–20 for more on that). He was supposed to search out the truths and the mysteries of God.       

And verse 3 says, 

3 As the heavens for height, and the earth for depth, so the heart of kings is unsearchable. 

This idealized king was supposed to imitate God in this way. God has his mysterious ways that are unfathomable. They were beyond finding out. But the heart of the ancient king, a man who was made in the image of God, was, in a way, unsearchable too. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to discern God’s ways or the heart of a king. It just means that you won’t get to the bottom of it. 

Here’s another aspect of a king in verse 4.

4 Take away the dross from the silver, and the smith has material for a vessel; 

5 take away the wicked from the presence of the king, and his throne will be established in righteousness. 

This is good. This is what you want. You want the king to be righteous. You want to have righteousness surrounding your king. You want to have a well-crafted vessel of silver. How do you get those two things? You get rid of that which is impure. You remove the dross. You get good advisers and counselors. And you send away those who are wicked. 

King David did a good job of that during his reign. King Rehoboam, Solomon’s son, did not. He surrounded himself with young, inexperienced, and wicked counselors. Queen Elizabeth I had good advisers during her reign. And she reigned for 45 years over a kingdom of peace and prosperity. Her sister, Queen Mary—otherwise known as “Bloody Mary”—had horrible advisers. And she was a horrible monarch. 

And now we get to the real punchline of this section. What’s this all about? Why all this talk about kings and their subjects? Well, verse 6 says, 

6 Do not put yourself forward in the king’s presence 

In other words, in light of what has been said about a king’s unsearchable nature and the responsibility of a king to remove wicked people from his presence…

6 Do not put yourself forward in the king’s presence or stand in the place of the great, 

7 for it is better to be told, “Come up here,” than to be put lower in the presence of a noble. 

Solomon is saying here, “It’s better to be promoted by someone else than to be self-promoting. It’s better for you to be self-abnegating than self-aggrandizing. Because someone who is self-abnegating has the opportunity to be promoted. Someone who is self-promoting exposes himself to the risk of being demoted and humiliated.” 

King Solomon is giving us some good advice here. You don’t always get advice from a king, let alone a king who was the wisest person in ancient Israel. So we should take this to heart. He’s telling us to show a little self-control and don’t self-promote. 

And by the way, this is a universal, Biblical principle. We’ve seen it already in the book of Proverbs. Proverbs 18:12 says, “Before destruction a man’s heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor.” Peter says in the NT, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you” (1 Pet 5:6). James likewise says, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you” (Jas 4:10). James also says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (Jas 4:6). James quoted that from the book of Proverbs (3:34; see also 1 Pet 5:5)!

And there’s a great moment when Jesus says something remarkably similar to what we read here in Proverbs. Some have suggested that Jesus was even alluding to Proverbs 25 when he gave this teaching. It’s not inconceivable. Jesus knew his OT, and it would make sense for the true and better Solomon to reference Solomon when he was teaching. He said, “When you are invited by someone to a wedding feast, do not sit down in a place of honor, lest someone more distinguished than you be invited by him, and he who invited you both will come and say to you, ‘Give your place to this person,’ and then you will begin with shame to take the lowest place. But when you are invited, go and sit in the lowest place, so that when your host comes he may say to you, ‘Friend, move up higher.’ Then you will be honored in the presence of all who sit at table with you” (Luke 14:8–10). 

Listen, the reason self-promotion is so revolting to the God of the Scriptures is because it’s inimical to salvation. We don’t get saved by self-promotion. In fact, self-promotion expressed through works-based righteousness is abominable to the Lord. That leads to boasting in our flesh. 

The road to salvation isn’t paved by good works, self-promotion, and deeds of the flesh. It’s actually paved by humility. We come to the end of ourselves and we seek Christ and his free gift of salvation. So this isn’t just a matter of living a better life morally. It’s about eternal life. God resists self-promoters. But those who renounce themselves and embrace Christ are forgiven.  

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Go ahead and write this down as #2 in your notes. Self-control resists self-promotion. But also…

2) Self-control harnesses speech (25:8–15)

Solomon says in verse 8, 

8 do not hastily bring into court, for what will you do in the end, when your neighbor puts you to shame? 

9 Argue your case with your neighbor himself, and do not reveal another’s secret, 

10 lest he who hears you bring shame upon you, and your ill repute have no end.

There are some NT parallels to these statements as well. But the main idea here is don’t unnecessarily escalate a conflict. Don’t rush to sue someone. Don’t rush to judgment. Get your facts straight before you get yourself in a situation where you look bad. 

We’ve talked about speech quite a bit in the book of Proverbs. And there are few things in this world that can cause as much damage as the human tongue. It’s a seemingly harmless little muscle. It only weighs two ounces. [From what I understand, a man’s tongue actually weighs slightly more than a woman’s tongue. You can make of that what you will!] And we often talk about self-control as a matter of the will. And I think that’s correct. But self-control is often demonstrated in the restraint of the tongue. 

In this case, it has to do with keeping your tongue from accusing a neighbor unnecessarily and revealing another’s secret. Why would you want to do that? You’re better off de-escalating. You’re better off having a private conversation with that person than making a public accusation. 

What Solomon says here sounds a lot like Matthew 18:15: “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” It also sounds awfully similar to Matthew 5. “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. Truly, I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny” (5:23–26). 

Don’t hastily bring someone to court. Don’t reveal another’s secret. Don’t escalate a conflict if you don’t have to. These are good prohibitions. But self-control is not just about prohibitions. There are ways to not use speech negatively. But there are also ways to use speech positively. The following verses address this. Let me say it this way—there are ways that we can harness our speech for good and not evil.

Solomon writes in verse 11, 

11 A word fitly spoken 

In Hebrew this is a דָּבָר דָּבֻר (davar davur). Literally “a word worded.” 

11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. 

The Hebrew word for “apples” here is probably better translated “apricots” or some other fruit. As I understand it, apples were not present in ancient Israel in the days of Solomon. But however you translate that term, the point is clear. Words can be beautifully used to accomplish a desired end. Words are a kind of art.

Look at verse 12. Here’s a great simile. 

12 Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear. 

Gold rings in the ear or in the nose accentuated a woman’s beauty in the ancient world. Every man listening to this proverb would lean in at the beginning of this proverb. Every woman too. What is Solomon going to liken a gold ring to? “Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is…” “What? What, Solomon?” “A wise reprover to a listening ear.” Wow, that’s surprising!

If you’ve got a person who listens to a wise reprover… if you’ve got a teachable person… that is beautiful in the ancient world. That is as beautiful… that is as catching… as a woman wearing a gold ring. To be teachable is always valued in the book of Proverbs. 

Here’s another great simile. Look at verse 13.

13 Like the cold of snow in the time of harvest is a faithful messenger to those who send him; he refreshes the soul of his masters. 

It’s crazy hot in Israel at harvest time. Snow during that time was the stuff of the imagination. But imagine yourself working outdoors in summer, and it’s sweaty, and it’s hot. It’s San Antonio hot! And all of a sudden there’s snow falling down on top of you. How refreshing is that? That’s what it feels like to get good news from a faithful messenger. 

That would be especially the case for Solomon and Hezekiah who had envoys traveling throughout the kingdom and returning reports to them. They didn’t have instantaneous communication with email or with Zoom calls. They had to wait for weeks and months to get reports. And when they do, and when it’s a good report, that refreshes the soul like a cold drink of water on a hot day.  

Here’s another simile. But this is negative not positive. 

14 Like clouds and wind without rain is a man who boasts of a gift he does not give.

In ancient Israel, there were very few reliable water sources. So no rain was a death-sentence for crops. And the only thing worse than no rain is the prospect of rain that doesn’t materialize. There are clouds. There’s wind. But no rain. That’s depressing. So is a man who promises something and doesn’t deliver. 

Look at verse 15.

15 With patience [lit: “long nostrils”] a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue will break a bone. 

“Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Untrue! Words do have the power to hurt. But that little schoolyard ditty isn’t really what Proverbs 25:15 is saying. This verse is positive. The breaking of the bone by a soft tongue is meant to be a positive description of the power of the tongue. 

There’s another way to translate verse 15. And it goes like this: “By patience an official can be beguiled, and a soft tongue breaks a bone.” In other words, a hard-hearted stubborn ruler can be steered to a desired result by patient, judicious speech. It’s like the breaking of a bone with something soft, which is totally nonsensical. 

Bones, by the way, are extremely strong. I’ve never broken a bone in my body. I’ve done a lot of damage to my body over the years playing sports. But I’ve never broken a bone. Some of you have. It takes a lot of force and a lot of torque to break a bone. So the idea that a soft tongue can break something hard is striking. And the idea is that you can accomplish something great by slow, methodical, patient speech. You might get less done more quickly with an eruption of anger and a show of impatience. But if you really want to persuade someone… if you really want to impact someone… it requires a lighter touch. 

It’s like that movie “Inception.” Great movie! One of my favorites! How did they get that business mogul to change his mind and save the world? They implanted a small idea in his brain, in his dream within a dream, and that’s how they persuaded him.       

I think we talk often about the negative impact that speech can have on our lives. And that’s true. We can harness speech for much evil. But we can also harness speech for good. We can use it to encourage other people. We can use it to sing songs of praise. We can use it for the gospel. We evangelize with these tongues. And we can use it to persuade. 

And a self-controlled tongue in the mouth of a self-controlled man or woman of God, can be used to accomplish great things.  

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And finally, here’s a third statement about self-control. Self-control resists self-promotion. It harnesses speech. And also… 

3) Self-control overcomes temptation (25:16–28) 

Solomon says in verse 16, 

16 If you have found honey, eat only enough for you, lest you have your fill of it and vomit it. 

Despite what you’ve been told, too much of a good thing is, in fact, not a good thing.” “Overeating or overdrinking [tend to nauseate] rather than energize.” And as far as good things go, nothing was better than “honey” in the ancient world. It tasted good, and it was good for you. Still is. But if you over-satiate yourself with honey, it will make you sick. 

And speaking of over-satiating, look at verse 17.

17 Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor’s house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you. 

Your stomach can get fed up with honey. And your neighbor can get fed up with you. So be self-controlled in both spheres… with what you eat, and with whom you visit. 

By the way, I don’t think we’re in much danger of over-visiting people in our culture. I actually think that Americans are really bad at hospitality, even Texans. Which is a shame, because we used to be good at it. I think we need more visitations. We need more hospitality. We need more invitations to people to come hang out at our house. Just make sure that you are giving hospitality as much as you are receiving it from others. And as you are enjoying the hospitality of others, keep in mind the old adage, “guests, like fish, stink after three days.”

Look at verse 18.

18 A man who bears false witness against his neighbor is like a war club, or a sword, or a sharp arrow. 

That’s the language of the ninth commandment, by the way. “Thou shalt not bear false witness” (Exod 20:16). A person who does that, especially in the context of a public witness commits great violence. Solomon likens it here to weapons of war: swords, arrows, and clubs. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but [a false witness] will never hurt me.” Actually it will. False words are an act of war. 

In the ancient world, warriors would have armor-bearers. They were like caddies for a golfer. And the warrior would choose his weapon: war club, sword, or arrow for a bow. These were instruments chosen to kill on the battlefield. Bruce Waltke says about this verse, “The sage depicts the false witness as beating out his neighbors brains with the mace and of piercing his bowels with a sword and of killing him with a deadly arrow.” This is how the Bible graphically depicts a “false witness.”  

Look at verse 19.

19 Trusting in a treacherous man in time of trouble is like a bad tooth or a foot that slips. 

My teeth are doing okay, but I’ve got a bum knee that lets me down just when I need it the most. When I go to layup a basketball with my left hand, my right knee buckles. And that’s not good. I’ve learned to trust that knee over the last forty years with my layups, and now it’s letting me down. And that’s a treacherous man for you. That’s an untrustworthy person in a time of trouble. They let you down.

Listen, the problem with marriages of convenience is that life is rarely convenient. Life is full of trouble. Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33, NIV). What did Jesus mean by that? He meant that in this world you will have trouble! And if you have a marriage that can’t manage turbulent times… if you have friendships that are only good when the going’s good… if you have a church that only ever preaches health and wealth prosperity … then you’ve got a bad tooth or a foot that slips. You’ve got treachery in times of trouble!  

Friends are made for foxholes! Marriages that are battle-scared and battle-tested are marriages that last. That’s why we make vows when we marry people at VBVF. “In sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, etc. etc.” Because in a time of trouble, you need trustworthiness, not treachery. 

Look at verse 20.

20 Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda. 

This proverb hurts my feelings, because I’m a very sing-songy person. I love singing songs. I sing songs to my cats. I sing songs to my son. I sing songs to my wife. I sing songs to myself. And that can be—let’s just say—irritating to someone who’s got a heavy heart. 

Notice the simile of chemistry used here. It’s like vinegar on soda. What happens when you mix an alkali with an acid? It reacts violently. I don’t remember much about chemistry in college, but I remember that much. The Bible tells us elsewhere to “weep with those who weep” and “rejoice with those who rejoice” (Rom 12:15). 

I had a professor at Moody once who had two sons. And he told us this story about when one of his sons fell down and scraped his knee. He started crying and was inconsolable. And his younger brother came up to him and started crying too. And his dad rebuked him and said, “Son, don’t do that. You’re making the problem worse.” And his son said, “No dad, the Bible says, ‘weep with those who weep.’” So they all sat down and cried together. “A sensitive person knows how to sorrow with the sorrowing.”    

Look at verse 21. Take a look at this. Talk about something that is countercultural and counterintuitive. Look what Solomon says.  

21 If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink, 

22 for you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you. 

There’s an old Chinese proverb that goes like this: “Meet good with good that good can be maintained; meet evil with good that good may be created.” There’s a little bit of common grace for you right there that mirrors what is found in this passage. 

By the way, these verses in Proverbs are quoted in the NT. Paul cites them in Romans 12:20. And in that same section of Scripture, Paul says, “Never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God” (12:19). Paul says also, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (12:21).

The problem with taking vengeance into our own hands is that we don’t have the moral authority to exact vengeance. Watch those vigilante movies. The pursuit of revenge always consumes the person exacting revenge. They lose their bearings. 

And so Solomon offers us a better way here. He offers us a better bang for our buck. If your enemy is hungry, feed him. And the Lord will reward you for that. What do the Lord’s rewards look like? Peace. Joy. Forgiveness. Eternal rewards. Those are better than the temporary satisfaction that personal vengeance supplies. 

And by the way, a heap of burning coals on the head is not a good thing. There’s an old interpretation of this passage that says that a heap of coals is a good thing. Like you bring some hot coals to a friend to help them start a fire. That is not what this is talking about!

The idea here is that your enemy will be cut to the quick by your act of forgiveness and generosity. They will be self-incriminated and self-condemned. Maybe too, in some cases, they will be convicted and repent. That’s a best-case scenario. Yet even if that doesn’t happen, you are still called to love your enemy and pray for them. And the Lord will reward you. In other words, you maintain self-control. 

Look at verse 23.

23 The north wind brings forth rain, and a backbiting tongue, angry looks. 

In Israel, the west wind (from the Mediterranean) brings rain not the north wind. And that’s the idea here. An unexpected north wind with rain catches you by surprise like a backbiting tongue. You weren’t expecting it. And it causes great damage.

24 It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. 

More self-control of the tongue. A backbiting tongue and a quarrelsome tongue is destructive and dysfunctional. You’ve got to master that temptation. 

25 Like cold water to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country. 

26 Like a muddied spring or a polluted fountain is a righteous man who gives way before the wicked. 

Derek Kidner summarizes this verse with the heading “The spreading poison of compromise.” There’s nothing more discouraging than when a good man or a good woman surrenders to temptation. When they give way to the wicked… either the wickedness in their own heart, or the wickedness of those who want to entrap them. 

The simile here is apt. Consider a fountain that people came to trust for clean water. That was a rare commodity in ancient Israel. People were always fighting over water and specifically over wells and fountains. And let’s say that a family depended on that well for generations. 

But all of a sudden, that well is polluted. Maybe a dead animal fell down into the well and polluted the water. Maybe someone poisoned it intentionally. Now something that you trusted is all of a sudden corrupted. That’s what it’s like when a righteous man is brought down by wicked schemes. 

I’ve seen it in my own life. And I’ve been devastated by it. That’s why we need good accountability in our churches. That’s why we need to help each other out and strengthen each other. “Let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall” (1 Cor 10:12).

Look at verse 27.

27 It is not good to eat much honey, nor is it glorious to seek one’s own glory. 

So be self-controlled. Be self-controlled in your eating. And be self-controlled in your ambition. 

28 A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There’s a famous moment in the book of Genesis when God rejects the grain offerings of Cain and it angers Cain. And the Lord speaks to him and says, “[Cain], sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is contrary to you, but you must [master] it” (4:7). 

“Sin is crouching.” The word there for “crouching” is the word רָבַץ. It’s an interesting Hebrew word that is sometimes used to describe “cats.” And I think that’s probably the sense of it there. And when I say “cats,” I don’t mean your neutered housecat “fluffy.” I mean lions. 

If you’ve ever watched a nature video about lions in Africa, or tigers in Asia, or jaguars in South America, or even cougars in North America, you have some idea of what this metaphor means, and what God is saying here. “Sin is crouching, Cain.” “Sin is prowling. Sin is lurking. Sin is stalking you as prey.” “And it desires to pounce on you and slash you and eat you up. You must master it.”   

Well, Cain couldn’t master his sin. He had no self-control. And to a certain extent, we might say, that’s the story of the OT. Nobody was able to master their temptations. Nobody was able to conquer sin. And of course, that’s right. Yes, there was atonement. Even in the OT they had animal sacrifices that brought a kind of atonement. But they didn’t have mastery over sin. 

And let’s face it, we still don’t have mastery over our sin. We are more like Cain than we like to admit. What do we do about that? Well, we’ve got to tap into a power greater than our own if we are going to master temptation and overcome sin. Yes, Cain couldn’t master sin. But another son of Adam did. You might call him the Second Adam. 

And that Second Adam when toe to toe with the devil in the wilderness. And he stood up to his temptations (see Matt 4:1–11). And he didn’t blink. And that sinless, selfless Son of God and Son of Adam died a gruesome death on a cross to pay for the sin of helpless sinners like you and me.  

And if that weren’t enough, that Second Adam, sent his Holy Spirit to indwell those who belong to him. And so now we, who have had our sins forgiven, are indwelt with the Holy Spirit that produces the fruit of the Holy Spirit which includes “self-control.” And we are able to do what Cain could not. And we are empowered to do what OT Israelites could not. Even Solomon himself, who wrote these verses in Proverbs 25—it’s not as if he was a paragon of self-control. He failed in some of the most important areas of self-control. 

And where he failed, Christ succeeded. And where we would fail on our own, God wants to give us victory. God wants us to embrace, “Self-Control as a Way of Life.” God gave us salvation through his Son, and he gave us the power of the Holy Spirit inside of us to battle sin in this life. 

So, church, be self-controlled. In obedience to Christ, and by the prompting of the Holy Spirit inside of us, let’s be self-controlled.