Turn with me in your Bibles to the book of Proverbs. Let’s pick up our study today in Proverbs 5. Proverbs 5 is similar to what we’ve seen already in this book. Once again we have a father teaching and instructing his son. Proverbs 4 ends with an impassioned plea to guard your heart which is the wellspring of your life. And as part of that, Chapter 5 is about guarding your body. More specifically it’s about guarding your sex life. 

My first thoughts from Proverbs 5 are this: God is not prudish when it comes to our sexuality, and neither is he crass. He is both tasteful and candid in his description of God’s good gift of sex. OT scholar Duane Garrett says the following about this passage: “The Bible does not hide from or obscure the power of the temptation to illicit sex. In language that is refreshingly clear and direct without itself indulging in titillation, the text warns the reader of the debacle that awaits him should he succumb in this area and at the same time promises profound sexual joy to those whose hearts are chaste and loving. If the church is to do its duty, it must be no less clear in its teachings. To assume that nice, Christian young people do not struggle in these areas or to speak only in whispers and innuendo on the grounds that they are inappropriate for the Christian pulpit is no less than gross neglect of duty on the church’s part.”

And let’s not forget that sex and marriage are both God’s creations. Don’t try to convince Hollywood of that fact, but it’s true. And God has proprietary rights to his creations. He created sex and he wants us to use it appropriately. And part of using it appropriately is, simply put, not using it inappropriately. This passage, by and large, describes two usages sex: appropriate and inappropriate. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Before Solomon gets to the appropriate usage of sex, he warns us about that which is inappropriate. Here’s the first point from our text today. Write this down as #1 in your notes.

1) Reject cheap, easy, God-defying sex (5:1-6)

The opening verses of Proverbs 5 echo previous sections of Proverbs.

1 My son, be attentive to my wisdom; incline your ear to my understanding, 

2 that you may keep discretion, and your lips may guard knowledge. 

The father coaches his son again to seek wisdom and pursue understanding. The Father tells his son to keep discretion (or discernment or prudence) and guard knowledge with his lips. And you might think at this point that the father will launch into another discussion of the merits of wisdom or the importance of steadfastness throughout life. 

No, instead the Father does something that every father should do with his children. He tells him about sex. My guess is that this is not the first or the last conversation that this father has with his son on this topic. He says essentially, “Son there is good sex and there is bad sex. There is safe sex and there is unsafe sex.” 

And when I say, “safe sex,” let me be clear, I’m not talking about passing out condoms to teenagers at high schools. When I say, “safe sex,” I’m talking about God’s creative intent for sex in the context of a heterosexual, marital union. We’ll talk more about that later, but first let’s talk about unsafe sex. 

Look at verse 3.

3 For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech [literally her “palate”] is smoother than oil, 

4 but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.  

The seductress enters now in verses 3-4. She is the forbidden woman. Or in other words, she’s the wife of another man. And her lips drip honey. Keep in mind, this was written in a time and a culture where sugar was unknown, and chocolate was not utilized as a culinary delight. The sweetest and most satisfying edible treat in this culture was honey. And the description here is that of the best honey that drips right off of the honeycomb!

And the author compares a forbidden woman to that good pleasure. Solomon is using the language of metaphor here to describe the seductive powers of this temptress. In fact there are two different literary devices used in verses 3-4 by the master-poet, Solomon. 

The first literary device is something called euphemism, and it shows up throughout this passage. Whenever authors want to cloak something erotic in subtle and metaphoric language, they use euphemism. It allows an author to speak frankly about sexuality without being vulgar or profane. Song of Solomon, for example, is full of euphemistic language. 

The second literary device used in verses 3-4 is what’s called double-entendre. It’s language that has a double meaning. When the author refers to the woman’s lips and her palate, he’s referring to both her speech, which drips honey, and her actual lips that solicit the kisses of her prey. 

On the speech side of that double-entendre, she seduces him with flattery and sweet talk. Perhaps she even inflates the young man’s ego. “You’re so strong and handsome. You are more caring and sensitive than my husband is.” Just a little harmless flirting, so he thinks. “It’s okay to look in the window at merchandise, as long as I don’t buy it,” so he thinks.

On the other side of that double-entendre is a literal reference to her lips and her palate. Here kisses are sweet and alluring like sweet honey. She tastes good, or so you think. But afterwards she is bitter as wormwood. You might say it this way: “Honey is sweet, but the bee stings.” “Satan shows the bait, but he hides the hook.”

By the way “wormwood” is an herb that looks and smells pleasant, but has a bitter, repugnant aftertaste. Probably the herb that Solomon is referring to here is artemisia absinthium. It was quite common in the ancient world. And it can actually be fatal in large quantities. The delicious ends as the disgusting, and even deadly. A rendezvous with this seductress may be fun at first, but it ends in disaster. 

Solomon also calls this temptress “sharp as a two-edged sword.” In other words she will cut you up. Swords, like guns in our modern era, can be extremely useful. But in the hands of a fool they are dangerous… dangerous to oneself and dangerous to other people. Sex, likewise, in the hands of a fool, is dangerous.

Look at verse 5.

5 Her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol;

Here we are at Hotel California again. Look at verse 6. 

 6 she does not ponder the path of life; her ways wander, and she does not know it.

Verse 6 paints an interesting picture of this seductress. Not only is she a predator; she is a victim of her own devices. She is a person to be pitied. From my perspective these people (men and women both) are inflamed with their lusts. They are not strong, independent people. They are unknowingly slaves to their own desires. 

I see these Hollywood celebrities sometimes who trade sexual partners like clothing, or professional athletes likewise who jump from one spouse to another or from one sexual liaison to another. And in our twisted world they are the envy of all society. But from the Bible’s perspective they are not to be envied, they are to be pitied. They do not “ponder the path of life.” Instead they wander and don’t even know it. They will never know the lasting joy and delight of a monogamous relationship built on trust. They have forfeited God’s good gift. 

When I was in High School, I remember how friends of mine would celebrate their sexual exploits like it was some kind of game. The women that they seduced were viewed as nothing more than notches on their belts and bragging rights over their friend. It was sick and twisted.  

Young people, hear me on this. Young men and young women! Middle-aged men and women, listen up too. Satan is active in our lives at all stages of our lives. So beware of cheap, easy, God-defying sex. The consequence of those actions can be severe. And that’s what this father is warning his son about. 

Paul says in 2 Timothy 2:22: “So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Write this down as a second point from our text today. 

2) Restrain yourself from regrettable, sexual indiscretions (5:7-14)

Look at verse 7.

7 And now, O sons, listen to me, and do not depart from the words of my mouth. 

8 Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house, 

Bruce Waltke says it this way, “A man’s biological drives and social responsibilities are in conflict; his innate drives must be channeled within the right form, just as a train’s engine functions best on tracks.” Solomon is saying to his son, “Don’t go offtrack, young man. Don’t go anywhere near the door of an adulteress. Stay away. If she comes at you in this direction, you go that direction.” 

Applicationally I would add that if you are tempted to the breaking point at your place of employment, than find another place to work. If you can’t watch TV without falling prey to sexual temptation than throw away your TV. Filter the content on your computer and smartphone. Fight these temptations with everything you’ve got.  

If you’re really serious about overcoming sexual temptation or even sexual addiction than get some men in your life who you can relay that struggle to and — this is so important! — will hold your feet to the fire. Some people call this accountability. I would just call it wisdom. There is wisdom in a multitude of counselors and there is wisdom in a multitude of accountability partners. 

The reason this is so important is because if you play with sin, you’ll get burned. If you make allowances for your flesh, you could end up at a point of no return. You could conceivably lose your marriage, your reputation before your kids, your very respectability. Don’t take that chance! Don’t risk it! Run in the other direction away from sin and get some people into your life who will ask you hard questions and hold your feet to the fire. 

Look again at verse 8.

8 Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house, 

9 lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless, 

Let me just say this, your sexuality is a gift from God. Solomon describes it as “your honor.” Another way to translate this is “your manhood” or “your vigor” or “your virility.” Don’t just toss that away like it’s something insignificant. Guard it. Protect it. 

9 lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless, 

The great cautionary tale of this in the OT is the judge Samson. He was a stooge that allowed his sexual appetites to lead him into the hands of the merciless Philistines. He gave his “honor” to Delilah. And she was the vixen that led to his downfall.  

In our modern-day world, everything is conspiring to teach young people to just throw their sexual honor away. “We’re all just animals that can’t control our sexual desires. So just give it up. Divvy out your honor and your sexuality and give it to ten different guys or ten different girls. Don’t worry about your future spouse. If you’re married, don’t worry about your current spouse. It’s no big deal.”

What’s scary is how the world has moved from the acceptance of premarital sex to extramarital sex to now homosexual sex as suitable and normative and even desirable. And where’s that going to go now? The LGBTQ+ crowd keeps adding letters to their acronym. Where’s that going to end? The Bible says, “Protect the honor of your sexuality.” Guard it and give it as a precious gift to your spouse. 

By the way, one of the best-kept secrets in the Christian world is that sex is better in marriage. Tim and Beverly LaHaye report in their book The Act of Marriage, that on average Christians have more fulfilling sex lives than their nonChristian counterparts. Other studies have supported the notion that married couples have more frequent and more satisfying sexual experiences than non-married couples.

Who’s communicating that reality to our children? Who’s beating that drum? Not Hollywood, that’s for sure. It’s a shame that we are letting our young people be duped by the entertainers and educators, and the church too often stands silent on the issue. But God is not silent. 

For the record, I’m all for abstinence for young people. That was the buzz word when I was young. But I personally prefer the concept of delayed gratification. We don’t abstain from sex because sex is evil; we abstain from it until it is best appropriated. We guard and we protect our sexuality until we can experience it in the most gratifying and God-pleasing form, within the context of marriage.  

And the protection of our sexuality doesn’t end when we say, “I do.” Satan is just as active after the marriage to destroy your marriage, as he is before. 

8 Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house, 

9 lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless, 

10 lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner, 

11 and at the end of your life you groan, when your flesh and body are consumed, 

12 and you say, 

Listen to the first person language here in verse 12. This is very artistic. Solomon is speaking hypothetically as if his son has failed to receive his counsel. And this is what he hypothetically says. 

“How I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof! 

13 I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or incline my ear to my instructors. 

14 I am at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation.” 

Solomon is writing as if to say, “I don’t want you to have to say this someday, son. Don’t be unteachable. Don’t fail to heed my counsel. Don’t fall prey to some ill-advised liaison. Your reputation will be shot. Your energy will be spent trying to smooth things over with an angry husband or with angry parents. Your wife will resent you. Your kids will disrespect you. The community will lose respect for you. Your life will get complicated really fast.” The irony of this, of course, is that Solomon didn’t practice what he preached later in his life. Not a few fathers have made that mistake. 

Now let me take my foot off the gas here and say a few things about this passage. This is important because we live in a fallen world. And many people come to Christ after struggling with sexual sin. And many Christians have made mistakes in this regard. One expert in the field of human sexuality has estimated that 85% of men have premarital sex and 25% of women do as well. That same expert estimates that 25% of men and 15% of women commit adultery at some point in their marriage (or marriages). Half of the men and a third of the women in this country look at porn once a month. 

I heard a pastor say once, based on a reputable poll, that 75% of evangelical kids have sex before marriage. That’s not a marginal percentage. We are in the fight of our lives right now with this issue. And so I want to be clear that God can restore what the locusts have eaten. You may not be able to erase the bad memories of your past, but you can create new, good memories in the future. 

And if you are one of those people who have made mistakes in this area before you got saved or before you recommitted your life to the Lord, don’t pretend those mistakes are insignificant. For the sake of your children, don’t make that mistake. Be honest with them about the mistakes that you made, when they are the appropriate age of course, so they can see the pain in your eyes and chart a different course. 

I’m afraid that many kids hear from their parents about the mistakes that they made when they were younger and how that doesn’t matter and they think to themselves, “Well I’ll just do the same thing. I’ll indulge in sin for a while, and then I’ll commit myself to the Lord later and everything will work out fine.” That’s not the message you want to be sending your children.  

And let me say this as well. If you haven’t made mistakes in this regard, don’t be prideful. Celebrate God’s grace in your life and stay on guard. As the Book of Proverbs tells us elsewhere, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall” (Prov 16:18).

And if you are single, don’t give in. Stay the course of sexual purity. God has called everyone in this room (everyone!) to some duration of celibacy. Nobody was born married. For some celibacy lasts until age 18 or 22 or 30. Some are called to lifelong celibacy. Whatever the case, however long that duration is, stay the course of sexual purity! And restrain yourself from regrettable, sexual indiscretions.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay let’s transition. The Bible is not just a list of prohibitions, even though prohibitions are really important. When God says “don’t,” he means “don’t hurt yourself.” But he doesn’t just leave you there; he shows you something better. We’ve talked about inappropriate sex. Let’s talk about that which is appropriate and good and God-honoring.  

Write this down as a third point from our text today. 

3) Rejoice in God’s provision for sexual fulfillment (5:15-20)

In other words, “Celebrate God’s provision for sexual fulfillment.” You might even say it stronger than that in light of this forthcoming passage, “Revel in God’s good provision for sexual fulfillment.”

Let me state something obvious here: Hollywood didn’t create sex. God did. And he created it for us to enjoy. Let me say this as well, the presentation of sex and human sexuality in Hollywood is sensationalized and inauthentic. Hollywood will present the “one-night stand” or the drunken debaucheries of total strangers as the pinnacle of sexual experience and fulfillment. It’s not! God created sex and it is a beautiful, wonderful, life-giving thing, when it’s experienced the way God intended it. 

Not that we should idolize sex either. Don’t idolize sex or marriage, Christian. Plenty of Christians make that mistake. Don’t worship sex. Worship the giver, not the gift. Enjoy it. Rejoice in it. Revel in it as a good gift from your Father in heaven, and worship him for it.

Now the following passage is the kind of passage that can get a pastor into a lot of trouble. But I’m not going to skip them. God recorded the verses that follow as a celebration of our sexuality. Take them that way. Don’t marginalize them. Don’t allegorize them. Take them for what they are—a celebration of God’s gift in the proper context. 

Solomon tells his son in verse 15.

15 Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. 

16 Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? 

There’s some euphemistic language here. What Solomon is saying is essentially this “Do not inseminate another person besides your wife!” Should your seed be spilled out upon any random person? God forbid that we would do that! 

17 Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. 

In other words, keep the marriage bed pure (Heb 13:4). Should another man be given access to your spouse? God forbid! Should another woman be given access to your spouse? God forbid. Marriage is exclusive. Marriage is proprietary. It’s the two of you, one man and one woman in a covenant commitment of holy matrimony.

Whenever I officiate a wedding, I have couples recite the following vows. I turn to the groom, and I say, “[Groom], do you take this woman to be your wife, to live together in the holy covenant of marriage; to love her, to comfort her, to honor and lead her as Christ does the church, in sickness and in health; and forsaking all others, to be faithful to her as long as you both shall live? If so answer, ‘I do.’” 

And then I turn to the bride, and I say, “[Bride], do you take this man to be your husband, to live together in the holy covenant of marriage; to love him, to honor him, to submit to him as the church does to Christ, in sickness and in health; and forsaking all others, to be faithful to him as long as you both shall live? If so answer, ‘I do.’”

“Do you really have to do that, Pastor Tony? That sounds so antiquated. That sounds so Victorian.” Yes, I do! I do have to do that. I want the husband and the wife to say it. I want them to say it in front of God and witnesses. And I want the witnesses who are at that wedding who are married to be reminded of their vows. So that it triggers in their minds, “O yeah, I committed myself to this person… till death do us part.” I want to emphasize the fact that they are forsaking all others. I want to emphasize what Solomon says here in verse 17.

17 Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. 

Now look at verse 18. Back to the euphemism. Some of you might want to brace yourself for this part. 

18 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, 

By the way, verse 18 is framed as a prayer offered by a father for his son. Are you praying for your children and their future spouses?

19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe. 

The word for “doe” here is better translated “female mountain goat” or “female ibex.” This was a compliment in Hebrew society. For the record, I wouldn’t recommend using that at home, fellas. Please don’t compare your wife to a mountain goat. It’s amazing to me how some Hebrew metaphors translate perfectly into English. Others don’t. 

About the closest thing to this in English is the term “fox.” But even that doesn’t quite convey the same thing as this. In the Hebrew world the deer and the mountain goat were the epitome of grace and majestic beauty. And you could only approach them with caution and tenderness and gentleness. That is how a man should be with his wife. That is how a man should be sexually with his wife.  

19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. 

The Hebrew word for “breasts” here could be rendered “lovemaking.” Either way, the point is clear. And metaphor and euphemism give way in verse 19 to something more literal and right on the verge of explicit. But this is still tasteful. This is still wholesome. It’s not pornographic, and neither is it puritanical. It’s not gratuitous, and neither is it prudish. This is how the Bible handles sex. 

And the idea here in verse 19 is simple. Sexual love is addictive. Lovemaking is delightful. It’s intoxicating! God created it that way. 

I read a biography once of the great fourth century theologian Augustine. Augustine is one of the most important figures in church history. And I love Augustine. But one of the things that I’ve been frustrated with in Augustine’s theology is his perspective on human sexuality. I believe that Augustine as well as some of the other church fathers were too influenced by the Greek Platonism of their day, where the body, as compared to the mind, was considered inherently evil. I don’t think that’s the way God sees it. 

And oftentimes the church fathers would restrict the goodness of sex to strictly procreation. I’m sorry, but that just doesn’t work. I’m all for procreation. May God bless us as Christians with more and more kids, even as the world despises them! But nobody should read Proverbs 5 and assume this is just about procreation. 

The only way that Augustine could interpret passages like Proverbs 5 was to allegorize it as a contrast between wisdom and folly or even worse as a romantic relationship between God and his people. But in reality, all that God is doing here is showing you that sex was created to be a beautiful thing enjoyed and celebrated in the context of marriage.

The last part of verse 19 is practically a command, “Be intoxicated always with her love.” Men, be inebriated with your wife’s love! Wives, be inebriated in the love of your husband. Enjoy each other and the gift of sex that God has given you. And don’t ever let anything come between you.  

And speaking of intoxication…

20 Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress? 

Good question. Why would you?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There is one final component to Solomon’s plea in this chapter. He has given a number of practical reasons for why we should embrace sexual fidelity in marriage. But when all else fails, when even those arguments aren’t enough to maintain purity, here’s one final, solemn warning. Look at verse 21.

21 For a man’s ways are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all his paths. 

Notice that “the LORD” Yahweh shows up in this passage. The Lord God shows up in this chapter on sex and marital love! That shouldn’t surprise us. It shouldn’t surprise us because God created man and woman. And he blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it” (Gen 1:28).

And notice, God is not absent in our world. He is not the clockmaker of Thomas Jefferson’s deism, who winds the clock and then disappears. No, God is watching and waiting. He is imminent and transcendent. Our ways are before his eyes, and “he ponders all his paths.”  

Write this down as a fourth point from our text today. 

4) Remember that God judges all our actions (5:21-23)

21 For a man’s ways are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all his paths. 

22 The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in the cords of his sin. 

23 He dies for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly he is led astray.

You might be able to fool your spouse and indulge in a secret sin. You might be able to hide your sin from your friends or from your elders. But God sees all things. He ponders man’s every path. You cannot pull the wool over his eyes. And you won’t escape the consequences of your sin.  

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now let me say this. Let’s zoom out for a second on the sum total of Biblical revelation. Let’s balance grace and truth as we close. 

We see in Proverbs 5, God’s original intent for sex and for marriage. But the sobering reality, as I’ve already conveyed to you with the statistics earlier, is that most of us have gone astray in one way or another in this area. Jesus would even say in the Sermon on the Mount, that any man who looks lustfully upon another woman has committed adultery with her in his heart (Matt 5:27–30). 

Even if you are innocent of that sin, there is still the promise in Scripture that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Rom 3:23). We all stand before God as condemned sinners. But here’s another promise from Scripture: “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom 5:8). 

If you find yourself here today guilty, condemned by your sexual misdeeds, you don’t have to remain in a state of condemnation. You can have your sins forgiven. And even more than that, you can receive the promise of eternal life. 

If you find yourself in a guilty, unsaved state this morning, let me encourage you to do two things: 1) Repent and 2) Believe. Repent of your sin. Turn away from it. And believe in God’s Son. Believe in his death as a payment for your sin and believe in his resurrection. Submit yourself to his lordship. And submit yourself likewise to the obedience of his Word.

As far as Proverbs 5 is concerned, this is the truth that Jesus wants you to embrace as a believer. This is the ideal that all of us should strive for. Jesus has offered us grace. Jesus told a sin-stained Samaritan woman in John 4, who had five husbands and was currently living with a man not her husband, that he was the Messiah there to offer her living water. And she believed (4:1–42). And she was saved. But he also told the sinful woman in John 8 to go and sin no more (8:11). 

Paul said, “Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid” (Rom 6:1, KJV). No, we don’t continue in our sin. Instead, we commit ourselves to the principles of purity in Proverbs 5 and ask God to give us the strength to carry that out. Let’s pray for that now.