Key Scriptures: Matthew 19:1–9 (cf. Deut 24:1–4; Mal 2:15–16; Matt 5:32; 19:10–12; 

Mark 10:11–12; Luke 16:18; 1 Cor 7:1–40)

Last year, as part of a series called “Marriage and Our Maker,” I gave eight messages on the subject of marriage on Wednesday nights. I want to return to that subject tonight and the next three weeks and cover all the stuff I didn’t talk about last time. Today, I want to cover divorce and remarriage. And because that topic is too big for one night, I’ll revisit it next week. Then we’ll cover the topic of singleness. And then we’ll cover the topic of homosexuality. 

Today, we’re going to look primarily at Jesus’s commands concerning divorce and remarriage, so if you would, go ahead and take your Bibles and turn to Matthew 19. And as you do that, let me do a little bit of mythbusting. 

I want to bust two myths. First, there is a statement that gets circulated all the time and it goes like this: “Half of all marriages end in divorce” or “50% of marriages end in divorce.” Okay, look, that statement is false and misleading. The latest data suggests something like 20–25% of first marriages end in divorce. The divorce rates are skewed by the fact that second marriages and third marriages have a much higher rate of divorce than a first marriage. Even then, I don’t think the divorce rates are 50%. 

And to that you might say, “Well, people are just rounding up.” Well that’s a significant figure to round up to. That bothers my math-trained mind. If 33% of your day is spent sleeping (in other words eight hours a night) then you don’t say, “I spend half of my day sleeping.” 

Researcher Shaunti Feldhahn has stated that 72% of people who have ever been married are still married to their first spouse. And then she says, “Imagine the difference to our collective consciousness if we say ‘Most marriages last a lifetime’ rather than ‘Half of marriages end in divorce.’”

Here’s another myth I want to bust. In Christian circles, I hear this all the time: “The divorce rate among Christians is the same as non-Christians… 50%” Again, that is patently false. And unless you have such a broad definition of Christian that it is rendered basically meaningless, you can’t equate the Christian divorce rate with the non-Christian divorce rate. Data shows clearly that Bible-believing, church-going Christians are way less likely to divorce than the average American.

Anecdotally, I would just add, that this “myth” doesn’t square with my experience. I’ve spent my whole life in Christian circles. And I’ve seen divorce. I have good friends who have been divorced. But the figure is nowhere near 50%. And it’s nowhere near the non-Christian divorce rates that I’ve seen. 

Additionally I’ve been a pastor for seventeen years. In that time, I’ve done about twenty weddings as an officiant. And of those weddings, none of those spouses have gotten divorced. And the pastor who married Sanja and I told us before he married us that of all the people that he had married in his 20+ years of ministry, none of them had ever gotten divorced. And that doesn’t mean that good pastors always bat a thousand. It just means that we don’t do data very well when we ask people, “Are you a Christian? Have you been divorced?” And that’s because Joe “hasn’t been to church in twenty years” down the street is going to say, “Yes, I’m a Christian. And yes, I’ve been divorced and remarried six times.” That guy skews all the data.

Now, that doesn’t mean that we don’t have divorce issues in our country and in our churches. We do. Every divorce is a tragedy. Divorce breaks a covenant. It’s hard on people. It’s hard on kids. And we have cohabitation now that may be skewing the divorce rate too. We have people living together outside of the context of marriage. Is that better? 

And all of this prompts the question, “What does the Bible say about divorce? And also, what does the Bible say about remarriage?” Those issues are related. Let’s deal with that. 

And before we get into Matthew 19, let me offer up one caveat. It’s this. Good Christian brothers and sisters disagree on this matter. In other words, good Christian brothers and sisters (even of the Bible-believing, church-going variety) interpret and apply what the Bible says about divorce and remarriage differently. 

In preparation for tonight’s message I read a book entitled Remarriage after Divorce in Today’s Church: 3 Views. Those three views were all persuasive. And they were all presented by good Bible scholars who had a high view of the Scriptures. 

So good Christian brothers and sisters are going to disagree on this matter. This is not the deity of Christ. But I’m going to give you my view. And then you can ask me all the hard questions afterwards.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Look at Matthew 19 with me. 

1 Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. 2 And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. 

Just a little context here. Jesus is methodically making his way towards Jerusalem. He started in Caesarea Philippi in Matthew 16. He went to Capernaum and Galilee in Matthew 17 and 18. Now he is in Judea, beyond the Jordan in Matthew 19. This was a typical route for Jews travelling to Jerusalem for Passover.

His final words in Galilee (see Matt 18) were especially moving as Jesus called his disciples to unity and forgiveness as disciples in the Kingdom. Afterwards he hits the road and heads for Judea. 

Look at verse 3.

3 And Pharisees 

 Now stop right there. Whenever the Pharisees show up, you know something exciting is going to happen. It’s like the O.K. Corral. Whenever Pharisees start interacting with Jesus, you know Jesus is going to say or do something amazing. 

3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” 

Now this is an intriguing question. Maybe they sincerely wanted to know what this miracle-working Rabbi thought about divorce. But knowing their previous actions and the scathing rebukes that Jesus has dished out to them in the past, I’m guessing that they are trying to trap Jesus. 

If Jesus says, “It is not lawful for one to divorce his wife,” then the Pharisees can say, “O yeah, then why did Moses allow it?” thereby leaving Jesus in a hermeneutical quagmire. 

If Jesus says, “Yes, divorce is permissible,” then the Pharisees could label him a permissive liberal, who doesn’t honor biblical fidelity in marriage. As Sherlock Holmes might say in a moment like this, “The game is afoot.” What’s Jesus going to say? 

Actually there was a raging debate about divorce at this time between two Pharisaical groups: 1) The school of Shammai and 2) the school of Hillel. “The school of Shammai, predominant in Jesus’s day, argued that the passage allowed divorce only if one’s spouse was unfaithful. The school of Hillel, which eventually won out, said that a man could divorce his wife if she burned the toast (a later rabbi of this school added, ‘Or if you find someone more attractive’!).” What would Jesus say about this controversial issue? Which side of the debate would he land on?  

Look at verse 4.

4 He answered, “Have you not read 

This statement here is a backhanded insult from Jesus. Of course the Pharisees have read the following sections of Scripture! But Jesus is implying that they have failed to understand it. 

4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 

Alright, let’s unpack what Jesus is saying here. The passages that he quotes are Genesis 1:27 and Genesis 2:24. These are the texts upon which the institution of marriage is founded. The one who created them from the beginning created both genders. Humanity was divided into male and female, and God’s expectation was that one male and one female come together as husband and wife, as one inseparable couple. This was all part of God’s creative intent. 

In fact they were to become one flesh. Now there’s no doubt that the one flesh description is a reference to the sexual union that takes place between a man and a woman as two fleshes become united into one flesh. But that one flesh imagery is more than just a euphemism for sexual intercourse. It’s also a description of the permanence that marriage should display. 

The word in Hebrew for “hold fast” or the KJV “cleave” is דָּבַק, which means to fasten or fuse or glue together. If you can imagine one piece of steel welded to another with permanence, that’s what marriage should be. Two lives merge into one, and become indistinguishable. 

When Sanja and I first got married, I was especially cognizant of this one flesh identity. And one of the things I did was set up a shared email address for us. I even remember the address; it was tonyandsanja@worldnet.att.net. And whenever I sent out emails, I would always sign them “tonyandsanja.” 

And my single friends would ask me at the time, “Why do you sign all your emails that way? Is this email from you or from Sanja?” And I would tell them, “Look ‘single Tony’ doesn't exist anymore. Now that I’m married, and I’ve become one flesh with Sanja, anything that's communicated from me is from Sanja and vice-versa.” 

Now for the record, that’s obnoxious. I got a little carried away with my application of this passage, but I felt the weight of this one flesh terminology. 

And historically speaking, Adam and Eve were the first to become one flesh in marriage. And this process has been repeated throughout all of human history. Even the most primitive cultures have marriage as an indelible part of their culture. And Jesus is saying that this all dates back to the Creator’s intent in Genesis 1 and 2. 

Therefore the Pharisees’ question, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” needs to be answered through the grid of God’s creative intent. Two fleshes become one. So why would anyone advocate for divorce where one becomes two. 

So Jesus says this in verse 6.

6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Here’s the first point from our text today. Before I say anything else about divorce and remarriage, I need to say this. 

1) God expects marriage to be permanent (19:1–6)

That’s true of God the Father in the OT. That’s true of God the Son in the NT. That’s why we say in Christian weddings, “Till Death Do Us Part.”

I want to make two other observations from this passage before we move on. First, the last few words in verse 6 should be taken very seriously. “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Interestingly the action is carried out by God himself, not by man and woman. What God has joined together, let no man separate. 

The permanence of marriage is a result of two fleshes being fused into one by God Almighty. He is the one who brought Eve to Adam and created marriage. It’s his institution, and those who despise or denigrate marriage, despise the work of God. 

This should be a warning to those who meddle in other people’s marriages and try to instigate divorce where it is not merited. Be careful that you don’t find yourself opposing something that God has brought together. There are serious ramifications for disobedience here. Jesus gives a command, “let not man separate.” Don’t be that man or woman who separates what God has brought together. 

Second, let me point out something from the Genesis quote which sometimes escapes people. Man shall leave his father and mother and cleave (“hold fast”) to his wife. 

In God’s economy, there is no such thing as a perpetual Mama’s boy. Likewise Daddy’s little girl eventually has to leave her family. Children who are attached to the hips of their parents have a hard time becoming one flesh with their spouse. Not a few marriages have been crippled by parents who control and meddle in the marriages of their children. Be careful of that, parents! 

Ultimately the responsibility falls on the couple, though, to leave their father and mother and cleave to their spouse. That doesn’t mean you can’t be close to your parents or that you can’t have an ongoing relationship with them. You can. I’m extremely close to my family. But there needs to be a clear line of demarcation where you leave behind the family of your youth and you start your own family. That’s the biblical model here. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, look at verse 7. In response to Jesus’s expectation of permanence, the Pharisees ask him another question. And you could almost see this coming after their first question.

7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” 

What the Pharisees are referencing here is Deuteronomy 24:1–4, where Moses gave a provision for men to divorce their wives if there is indecency found in them. Moses had a number of provisions in the Pentateuch which could best be described this way: “How to handle difficult situations in a fallen world.” Some of these involved legal matters. Some were instituted for the protection of the people and for justice to be executed in the nation of Israel. 

In the post-fall world of Moses, unlike the pre-fall description of marriage in Genesis 1 and 2, divorces happen. So how is Jesus supposed to reconcile the ideals of Genesis 1 and 2 with the provision for divorce in Deuteronomy 24? 

The Pharisees have set their trap. They’ve baited their hook. Now they wait to see if Jesus takes the bait. But Jesus’s answer here is fascinating. 

Look at verse 8.   

8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.

In other words, Deuteronomy 24 was initiated because of your inability to abide by Genesis 1 and 2. It’s interesting to me how Jesus changed the wording of the Pharisees. In verse 7 they said that Moses “commanded” one to give a certificate of divorce, but Jesus says in verse 8 that Moses “allowed” it. It was an allowance permissible for the hardhearted. It was a stipulation for fallen-world realities that fell short of God’s original intent.

Jesus’s words here should actually be seen as a protection for women in this culture. Initiating and securing a divorce was much easier for a man than a woman. So making it harder and less biblically palatable for a man to initiate divorce was protective of wives and families. 

But now Jesus drops a hermeneutical bomb on them. Because he says this in verse 9,

 9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” 

Here’s the second point from our text today. Moses’s statement in Deuteronomy 24 notwithstanding,

2) God expects divorce to be prevented (19:7–9)

Verse 9 is one of those statements of Jesus that has caused consternation for centuries. People have written volumes of material on how to interpret this passage. And I know that it creates a lot of discomfort for people who have been through a divorce. 

But here’s the thing. I also wonder how much worse the divorce problem would be in our country, if Jesus had not made this statement. Could the divorce rate be twice as high if Jesus hadn’t made this statement? Could people who are marginally unhappy with their marriages just decide to call it quits if Jesus hadn’t said this? Probably. 

Whatever the case, we need to take Jesus’s words seriously here. And let’s remember, this is the same Messiah who said, “Come to me all who labor and are heavy-laden and I will give you rest” (Matt 11:28). This is the same Messiah who died for our sins and rose from the dead. So we can’t just pretend like Messiah Jesus didn’t also say, “Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” You can’t take one statement without the other. You can’t pick and choose the parts of the Bible that you like and don’t like. Jesus spoke these words for a reason and we need to heed them. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Alright, let’s go a little deeper. I’m going to break up my comments on verse 9 into two sub-groups. I’ll put these up on the screen. In the first sub-group, I’m going to answer the question “why?” “Why does God expect divorce to be prevented?” 

And with the second sub-group of comments, I’m going to answer the question, “So what do I do now?” If God expects divorce to be prevented, what do I do now about my current situation? 

First let’s answer the question, “why?” 

Why does God expect divorce to be prevented?

1. Divorce is Damaging – It is the ripping of flesh, as the one-flesh union that God brought together now becomes two fleshes.

 I had a conversation with a friend a while back and I was asking him about a mutual friend of ours who had just been removed from a ministry position. And I was worried about him, but my friend said to me, “You know what Tony? He’s been through a divorce in the past, he’ll be fine.” And what my friend was saying was essentially this, “Divorce is the most painful thing a person can experience, it is a ripping of flesh. If you can get through that, you can get through anything.” 

“He’ll be fine, Tony!” Was he hyperbolizing? Maybe. But this guy knew a thing or two about divorce. Jesus, wanting to spare us that pain, redirects our attention to God’s original one flesh intent in Genesis 1 and 2.   

2. Divorce hurts families – Inevitably it hurts the children and causes them pain, along with other family members and church family. It’s a destructive thing, and that’s why Jesus dissuades people from divorce in such strong terms. This statement is a deterrent for people. 

Malachi 2:16 says this, “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the LORD, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.” Some Bible translations of Malachi 2:16 say, “God hates divorce.” That’s probably not the best way to translate the difficult Hebrew of Malachi 2:16. Nevertheless, no matter how you translate that verse, there’s no way that the text says, “God loves divorce.” At the least, that passage is saying that divorce was not God’s intent for marriage. 

3. Divorce is often fueled by escapism – Be leery of “The grass is greener” mentality. Malachi 2:15 says “Did [God] not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? … so guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.” 

The reason that the divorce rate is so high for second and third marriages is because once that “grass is greener” mentality sets in, it’s hard to shake. And we’ve got a new problem on our hand now which is even worse. It’s called cohabitation without marriage. The rates of infidelity and breakups in those scenarios are way higher than married couples. And that’s because those individuals who don’t want to get married, and just want to live together, are basically trying to keep their options open. 

4. Divorce breaks two OT commandments – The seventh commandment is “Do not commit adultery” (Exod 20:14). Divorce and remarriage violates that. But also divorce is the breaking of a vow. And so you also have a violation of the ninth commandment: “Do not bear false witness” (Exod 20:16).

5. Divorce creates hardships, especially for women – This is not as true in our day as it was in Jesus’s day. Divorce was actually easier in Jesus’s day than it is in ours. There was less red tape, so to speak. But for a wife with children who was abandoned by her husband, there were significant obstacles. It was harder to find work. She would be responsible for the children, etc., etc. A prohibition of wrongful divorce was in many ways an act of mercy for the women in Jesus’s day. And that’s one of the reasons I think he condemns divorce in such strong terms. He does it to protect women, not to punish them.  

By the way, The “divorce business” in the United States is a multibillion dollar industry. There are some people who have a perverse incentive for you to destroy your marriage. They make money from you and your family’s misery. Keep that in mind. 

 -------------------------------------------------------------------

Second, let’s answer the question, “So now what?” 

So what do I do now?

I’m going to try to personalize this as much as possible. What does God expect me to do? Let me just spell this out as clearly as I can. 

If you are married, don’t seek a divorce. This couldn’t be clearer from 1 Corinthians 7:27. Do your best to cultivate that one flesh union that God has orchestrated for you. Seek peace in your marriage and pursue it in the sight of God. Capture those thoughts that Satan throws at you that makes divorce an option and make them obedient to Christ. 

When Sanja and I first got married, a wise couple told us that they never use the word “divorce” in their house. It’s like a four-letter word. They never say it. They never consider it. And they don’t entertain thoughts about it. 

If you are single, marry wisely or stay single. Treat divorce as a non-option even in your dating relationships. Tell your prospective spouse, “When I get married, I expect to be married till death do us part. If you aren’t up for that, hit the road.” 

Or here’s another option—stay single. There’s actually good reasons to stay single as Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7. Notice, if you will that after Jesus’s stark assertion in verse 9, the disciples (not the Pharisees!) make a cynical statement in verse 10. 

10 The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” 

In other words, “Why not stay single if you can’t get a divorce?” My grandfather Caffey used to say something similar to this. He’d tell us “why make one person miserable in marriage, when you can make the whole rest of the world happy!” 

The disciples’ aversion to Jesus’s strict ethic is evidence of their own wishy-washiness with marriage and a reflection of how countercultural Jesus’s statement actually was. They may have even made this comment with a snicker or a wry smile. “I guess it’s better not to marry then, eh Jesus?” 

But Jesus takes their statement seriously and replies in verse 11.

11 But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. 

In other words, there is some truth in what you are saying. In many ways it is better to remain single. Paul says essentially the same thing in 1 Corinthians 7:6, when he says, “I wish that all were as I myself am [i.e. single].” And later he says that an unmarried man or woman is focused entirely on the things of the Lord and is undistracted by marital life (7:32–34). So there is a benefit in being single. 

Jesus continues in verse 12.

12 For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.” 

Jesus describes singleness in three categories. Some are single because of their anatomy at birth. These “eunuchs” would include men or women with damaged genitalia and also those who are intersex. Those individuals are loved by God and can have a demonstrable impact upon his kingdom. 

Other “eunuchs” include those who have been castrated by other men. This was unfortunately common in the ANE, as foreign rulers would often emasculate subjugated men before they would serve in a foreign court. According to Isaiah 39, this happened to some of the Israelites, even the royal bloodline, when they were taken captive in Babylon. Once again, God loves those eunuchs and they can have a demonstrable impact upon his kingdom. 

Now whereas I believe these first two categories are literal “eunuchs,” the third category I take metaphorically. When Jesus refers to “those who make themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom,” he is metaphorically referring to those who commit to a life of singleness for the sake of the kingdom. He is not referring to people who castrate themselves… self-mutilation is never condoned in Scripture! This may even include those who have been through a divorce and who voluntarily choose a life of singleness. Their calling to remain single is an honorable calling, and there are advantages to being single. 

Jesus closes verse 12 by saying, “Let the one who is able to receive this receive this.” It’s as if Jesus is saying, “You’re right, disciples, it is better not to marry. And whoever can live a life of singleness should. Singleness is of great benefit for the Kingdom of God.” So if you are single, marry wisely or stay single. Don’t let your married friends pressure you into marriage, if you are content to be single.

If you are widowed, marry wisely or stay single. Paul says in Romans 7:2–3, “For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.”

If you are divorced with a scriptural exception, marry wisely or stay single. There are two reasons given in Scripture for divorce and remarriage. One reason is “abandonment by an unbelieving spouse” in 1 Corinthians 7. The other is “marital infidelity” found here in Matthew’s Gospel. The word here for “sexual immorality” or “fornication” in Matthew 19 is the Greek word πορνεία (porneia). It generically refers to sex outside the boundaries of marriage. It includes adultery, homosexuality, incest, bestiality, and other perverse acts permitted against one’s spouse. These actions give a person the option to divorce one’s spouse and remarry.

If you are divorced without a scriptural exception, stay single. I know this may be a difficult statement to receive for those of you who are in that situation. But you are better served obeying Jesus’s command and letting him address the deep hurts of your heart than disobeying and trying to overcome the law of unintended consequences. You might just find that obedience to Christ is more satisfying than you ever imagined possible. 

If you are divorced without a scriptural exception and remarried, repent and stay remarried. I do not advocate, as some do, that an unscriptural divorce and remarriage is perpetual adultery. In situations like that, I would advise the individual to confess the sin of their wrongful divorce and remarriage and make a renewed commitment to their current spouse to honor the one flesh expectations of the Lord. 

I know that other scenarios out there exist. You might have more specific questions regarding your specific situation than what I am addressing here. To be honest, the complexities and possibilities are endless with this issue, and I can’t address all of them in this forum. But these are the main categories. And I’m trying to summarize Jesus’s teaching as best I can. 

And let me remind everyone in this room, regardless of your marital status that we are all sinners according to Romans 3:23. We have all sinned and fallen short of God’s glory. And by God’s grace, adulterers and thieves and liars and slanderers and all of humanity are offered the free gift of forgiveness and salvation through faith in Jesus Christ. Please don’t ever forget that. Don’t ever forget 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, let me just address a few hard cases, and then I’ll take some questions. Here are a few issues that I’ve seen come up in my time as a pastor. Some people ask:

1) If you are unhappily married can you divorce but not remarry? 

Some people differentiate between the right to divorce and the right to remarry. I don’t think those two should be seen as separate items. Implicit to the right to divorce is the right to marry. If there is no right to divorce, there is no right to remarry. 

2) What about if you got saved after a divorce? Are you free to marry?

To answer that question, let me read a statement by Grace Community Church that specifically addresses that issue. Here is how I handle this issue as a pastor. “Pre-conversion Divorce: According to 1 Corinthians 7:20–27, there is nothing in salvation that demands a particular social or marital status. The Apostle Paul, therefore, instructs believers to recognize that God providentially allows the circumstances they find themselves in when they come to Christ. If they were called while married, then they are not required to seek a divorce (even though divorce may be permitted on biblical grounds). If they were called while divorced, and cannot be reconciled to their former spouse because that spouse is an unbeliever or is remarried, then they are free to either remain single or be remarried to another believer (1 Cor. 7:39; 2 Cor. 6:14).” 

3) Isn’t it better to stay married even if there is an issue of infidelity? 

Yes! For the sake of kids. For financial reasons. For the hope of forgiveness. I know people who have been through an issue of infidelity. Sometimes it has been the husband. Oftentimes it’s the wife. And forgiveness and restoration is possible, yea, it is even preferable!

4) Why does Matthew include the “exemption clause” about infidelity, but Mark and Luke don’t?

 I think the best answer to that question is that the exemption clause is implied in Mark and Luke. It didn’t need to be stated explicitly. Matthew included it for us, and I’m glad he did. 

 I think an analogy for this is very helpful. Wayne Grudem says about Matthew 5:43 that whenever a man looks lustfully at a woman, then he commits adultery. And you might say, “What about if a man looks lustfully at his own wife? Is that adulterous?” The answer is no. So married men, don’t feel unnecessarily guilty. That exception is implied in that statement. 

 I’ll give you another example of an implicit statement. If I were to ask you, “Do you believe in the second coming?” Hopefully you would say, “Yes.” But I didn’t clarify that I was talking about Jesus’s second coming? Are you wrong to infer that I meant Jesus’s second coming? No. I’m a pastor. Of course, I’m talking about Jesus second coming! I’m not talking about the second coming of Michael Jordan! 

5) What about issues of verbal and physical abuse?  

I’m going to say two things about that. I think verbal abuse is a slippery term. I’ve heard people describe verbal abuse so ambiguously that every husband and wife in the history of the world is guilty of it. And if that’s a cause for divorce, then everyone has a right to divorce. 

Physical abuse is more serious an issue. And in situations where spouses are in danger, or children, then I would counsel separation. Notice I didn’t say, “divorce.” I said, “separation.” 

If you are a victim of that in this church, then call the cops first. And then call your elders. And if that man (or woman) who is guilty of abuse is part of this church, we will initiate church discipline. That’s another reason to marry wisely. In other words marry someone who is committed to the local church. 

Eventually these things play out to be the best of a bad situation scenario. This is what some theologians call, “The lesser of two evils.” And in cases like that, then divorce may be the best option, especially if financial or legal issues become problematic. In cases like that, elders need wisdom to adjudicate a matter. 

Let me just read you our position on this matter. We, as elders, have been working on a handbook for our church. And here’s the statement we drafted on this issue. I want you to hear me read it publicly, because this is how we plan to handle this matter as a church. 

VBVF’s Position on Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage: “Marriage is a wonderful gift given by God to humanity (Gen 2:24; Matt 19:4-6). God designed marriage to be a life-long, exclusive, heterosexual, public, and formal covenantal union between a biological male and a biological female. 

Marriage is the proper means of human procreation in our world, and it is the starting place for the Christian family. It is also a relational commitment to be enjoyed by human beings even in instances where procreation is not possible. Additionally, human marriage is a picture and a type of Christ’s eternal marriage and love for his bride, the church (see Eph 5:22-33). Marriage between a man and a woman in this world is temporary; the marriage between Christ and the church is eternal. 

The Bible speaks clearly of the destructive power of divorce. God hates divorce and the effects that it has upon couples, families, communities, and human flourishing (Mal 2:14-16; Matt 19:7-8). God also speaks clearly about the destructive power of sexual sin and its effects upon society. These are clearly seen in our modern-day, God-defying world.  

Because marriage is a covenant commitment that is meant to be unbreakable, the Bible allows for divorce (and subsequent remarriage) in only two instances: 1) infidelity (Matt 5:32; 19:9), and 2) abandonment by an unbelieving spouse (1 Cor 7:15). Matters are made more complex by the presence of other factors; for example, 1) physical abuse, 2) the timing of a married person’s salvation, 3) desires to reconcile after infidelity, 4) people who are unbiblically married, but join the church after the fact, etc. Because of this, issues of divorce and remarriage need to be adjudicated by the elder board who must decide hard cases with the wisdom God gives. In some cases, a period of separation for the sake of health and safety may be wise.

For more on issues of marriage, remarriage, divorce, and repentance, see the following article from Grace Community Church. The elders of VBVF will use this as a guideline for deciding difficult matters on this issue: https://www.gracechurch.org/about/distinctives/divorce-and-remarriage.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I’ll close with this. One of the things that I always do at every wedding that I officiate is that I remind the audience that marriage on this side of eternity doesn’t last forever. Even for those of you who are married in this room now… happily married even… please be advised that your marriage will not last forever. There will come a day when one of you will have to lay your spouse in the arms of Jesus. And in eternity you will not be married to one another. And that’s because only one marriage lasts forever. And that’s the marriage between Christ and his church. 

So here’s the good news in that. If you are married, single, divorced, or remarried… you will give up all other marital relationships in the New Heaven and the New Earth. And you will bond forever to the bridegroom Christ. 

But I should qualify that… that’s only for those who know Christ as Savior and Lord. Do you? If you do, then eternity with our bridegroom is going to be awesome. If you don’t, then put your faith in Christ. Pray with me.