Church let’s take our Bibles together and turn to the passage just read, First Thessalonians 5:12-15. The title for today’s message is “Cultivating Healthy Church Relationships.” That should make sense to you after the reading of the passage. 

In the last month I’ve preached on sex, the rapture, and judgment, so I’m ready for something a little easier to preach on. And this topic, church relationships, is easier to preach on, because the applications are built right into the passage. Paul says, “encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with [all]” (1 Thess 5:14). How simple is that? This passage preaches itself. But just because it’s easier to preach, that doesn’t mean that it’s easy to practice. 

Many churches in our day rise or fall based upon the health of their interpersonal relationships. And for my part, I’m a strong advocate for pure doctrine in the church (so are the other elders of Verse By Verse Fellowship, by the way). And I’ve spent the bulk of my adult life studying and teaching church doctrine. And it’s true that many churches fall apart doctrinally, and that’s not good. 

But some churches have their doctrinal truths tight and buttoned down but are a mess relationally. Some churches that could run circles around others in theological conviction and scriptural knowledge fall apart because of relational conflict. They can quote the Westminster Catechism backwards and forwards. They can recite the Apostle’s Creed verbatim, but they can’t get along with one another in the church. That’s not good. 

And from what I can tell, the Thessalonian church, which had much to commend itself in this letter, struggled in this area. And so, Paul takes some time here in Holy Scripture to write some very practical instruction for their benefit and for ours. “Be at peace with one another,” says Paul. How important is that for a church? “Be patient with everyone!” say Paul. How important is that? Is that important, church? Have you found that to be an important part of church life? I have. Even before I became a pastor, I knew the importance of this. 

And by the way, peace, patience, love… these are not just moralistic commands that the Apostle Paul gives to the church. This is not just a sentimental, humanistic request for peace, love, and harmony. This is not John Lennon singing “All you Need is Love.” These virtues that Paul elucidates here in 1 Thessalonians 5 are the fruit of the Spirit: Peace, patience, love, goodness, etc. (cf. Gal 5:22-23). We don’t generate these things in our flesh, as a byproduct of our humanness. These come from the Spirit that dwells inside of us. And that actually gives us, the church, an advantage over every other institution in the world. We’ve got the Holy Spirit inside of us producing these things. So, let’s talk about how to cultivate healthy church relationships this morning.

Go ahead and write this down as #1 in your notes. I’ll give you this morning...

Three Fundamentals of Church Relationships:

1. Follow your leaders (5:12-13)

Paul says in verse 12:

12 We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, 13 and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work.

Now I’m going to talk about following leaders in just a second but let me first talk to leaders. Notice if you would, Elders, that Paul gives us some implicit instruction here as to what leadership should look like in the church. Paul uses three terms: 1) labor, 2) lead, and 3) admonish. First, Paul uses the word, “labor.” Everyone see that in verse 12? 

12 We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you 

That word “labor” could be translated “toil.” That word is used to indicate hard work and toil that is trying and tiring. That same word is used in the book of Luke to describe the work of a fisherman. Peter told Jesus once, “Master, we toiled all night and took nothing! But at your word I will let down the nets” (Luke 5:5). The truth is that eldering is hard work. It’s toilsome. And that’s the way it should be. Church leaders work hard at shepherding their flock.

Also notice Paul says that leaders “are over” the brothers. 

12 We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you

The word used here is the Greek προΐστημι (proistēmi). It means to manage, guide, lead, direct. It’s the same word that Paul uses in 1 Timothy 5:17 when he says, “Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honor.” So, elders aren’t just over the church—I think the ESV could have translated this word a little stronger (NASB95’s “have charge over you” is better). They lead the church. They shepherd the church. They make hard decisions. They manage the important affairs of the church.

So elders labor. They lead. And thirdly Paul says that they “admonish.” 

12 We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, 

Admonish (νουθετέω) means to teach and instruct, but it also has the added nuance of warning and correction. It means that elders, as part of “working hard,” have to teach and counsel and warn and sometimes even reprove those in the congregation. This is good and part of God’s plan for the church. 

Of course, that task can be abused by church leaders. It has been, at times throughout church history, when church leaders were treated like kings and you had to bow to kiss their rings. And it’s been abused by leaders who have leveraged their authority over the church as bullies or tyrants or despots. That does not please God. And that’s not the way a healthy church should act. 

A healthy church instead should have godly, selfless, authoritative (not authoritarian) leaders who lead the church and care for the people. Like shepherds care for the flock! That’s the analogy the Bible uses. Christ is the head shepherd. We [myself and the other elders of VBVF] are the under-shepherds. And we are tasked with the duty of leading the flock. 

You might say, “Ok, Pastor Tony. What about me? What about the rest of the church? What do we do?” Well, good! I hope you are asking that. Here’s what you do—you follow your leaders! You be leadable (I don’t know if that’s a word, but if it isn’t it should be). Be leadable. 

And as part of that, Paul gives you two instructions here. He says, “respect” and “esteem.”  

12 We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, 13 and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work.

Let’s look at this one at a time. First of all, you “respect” them. You acknowledge them. You willingly submit yourself to their authority, for the benefit of yourself and the benefit of your family. Are the elders of VBVF perfect men? No, they aren’t. Are they qualified men who are worthy of your respect and following? I think so. Pray for them in that task. It’s not an easy task. Pray for your other ministry leaders at church and their leadership tasks: small group leaders, children’s ministry leaders, youth ministry leaders, etc. You know I’ve seen people who hop around from church to church to church never able to trust or support their leaders. I think that says less about the leaders of those churches than it does about the church-hoppers. 

So first of all, respect your leaders. But also esteem them. This is a little deeper. And Paul adds a few additional words to intensify this command. Paul says, “esteem them very highly in love.” That’s quite a command there! So, don’t just submit to them. Don’t just begrudgingly acknowledge them. “Oh, OK, fine, I’ll submit to your authority! Harrumph Harrumph!” Esteem them with love and affection. 

So, the first command has to do with your will. “I willingly submit to your authority, elders. It’s biblical. You are good, trustworthy men. I will follow your leadership.” The second command has to do with your heart. “Not only will I follow and respect my leaders. I will esteem them with love.” That’s important. You don’t just will yourself to do it. “I will follow your leadership, but I’m not going to be happy about it.” No! Esteem them in love, because of their work. Because they work on behalf of the church. Because they pray for you weekly. Because they make hard decisions that cause sleepless nights and restlessness.    

So everyone has a job to do in obedience to 1 Thessalonians 5:12-13. Everyone has some homework. People of Verse By Verse Fellowship, you keep doing what you are doing in terms of loving and supporting your leaders. Pray for them, esteem them, and respect them. And elders we’ve got to keep doing what we are doing as leaders: laboring, shepherding, and admonishing. 

And just a quick warning as far as this goes. I read a quote recently from the late R.C.H. Lenski, a 20th Century Lutheran pastor. He said once about this passage: “[W]hen a congregation has beautiful peace in its midst, the devil likes to stir up trouble. He likes to destroy the lovely garden. Let him not do this!” Peace is something you have to continually work toward and preserve within the church. That’s why Paul says at the end of verse 13.

Be at peace among yourselves.

Church leaders! Church parishioners! Everyone! Be at peace. Be at peace with one another. 

Now beyond the sheep to shepherd relationships, there are sheep to sheep relationships. And that’s what Paul focuses on in verse 14. Paul says…

14 And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. 

So not only do you have a responsibility to your leaders, church, you also have a responsibility to one another. And let me summarize what Paul is ultimately saying in verse 14. 

Go ahead and write this down in your notes as #2. He’s saying…

2. Support one another (5:14)

And as part of that Paul gives three specific commands involving three different categories of people. Here are the three commands he gives: 1) admonish, 2) encourage, and 3) help. And the three categories of people are 1) the idle, 2) the fainthearted, and 3) the weak. Let’s unpack these three one at a time.

First of all, Paul says “admonish” the idle. Now that is the same word that Paul used earlier, νουθετέω. And Paul said that this is one of the duties of the church leaders. But what I want you to see here is that this is not the exclusive duty of the church leaders. All church folk should admonish the idle. 

14 And we urge you, brothers [brothers, means everyone in the church], admonish the idle, 

If there are people in the church that are idle spiritually, it’s our responsibility as the church to change that. Sometimes that means telling a brother or sister to get to work and carry his or her load in the body of Christ. Sometimes that means telling an idle Christian who’s not working to support his family that he needs to get to work. Sometimes that means telling an absentee or lackadaisical parent that they need to pick it up a bit for the sake of their child’s spiritual health. Those are not easy conversations, and they need to be drenched in love and care and discernment. 

I get the sense that “idleness” was a big problem in Thessalonica, because Paul addresses it several times in 1 and 2 Thessalonians. And some of that may involve what I said a few weeks ago about Jesus’s return. People got so excited about Jesus’s return… “Jesus is coming back! Jesus is coming back!” … that they stopped working. They became idle, or even worse they became unproductive busybodies who were a drain on church resources. That’s why Paul said so directly in Chapter 4, “But we urge you, brothers… to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one” (4:10-12). 

So part of the church’s responsibility one to another is to admonish the idle: “Get to work. Don’t be a busybody.” 

Now there’s idleness, which is a sin. But there’s also what Paul calls here faintheartedness. And those two things are very different. Paul says, 

14 And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, 

And you need to be wise about what constitutes idleness and what constitutes faintheartedness in the church. Some people need admonishment because of idleness. And some people need encouragement because of faintheartedness. And if the only tool you have in your toolbox is the hammer of admonishment, then every problem is a nail. Discipleship in the church requires more care and discernment than that. 

For the record, I don’t see faintheartedness as a sin. Some of your versions may read “disheartened” or “discouraged.” That’s a good way to frame this Greek word. The Greek word (ὀλιγόψυχος) means literally “little of soul.” This is not someone who exhibits sinful behavior. This involves life when it gets hard: a loss of employment, a battle with sickness, a prodigal child, a struggle with doubt, etc. In those instances, Paul says, “encourage.” 

This Greek word (παραμυθέομαι) means literally to “speak towards someone.” And y’all know how powerful words can be. They can be used for good or for evil. The Book of Proverbs says, “Death and Life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (18:21). What are you using your words for, church? To encourage or discourage? To build up or tear down? Paul says here, “use your words to ‘build up’ the fainthearted.” 

And also, Paul says, “Help the weak.” “Help the weak”! And to that you might ask, “What does Paul mean by that, Pastor Tony? The morally weak? The spiritually weak? Or the physically weak?” I don’t know. Paul uses a word here that is (perhaps) purposely ambiguous. Because in any of those cases in the church, those who are strong should help. That is a basic Christian virtue. Help the weak. 

By the way that flies in the face of an atheistic, evolutionary worldview. You know what Darwinism teaches? The strong eat the weak. The strong oppress the weak. No mercy. No kindness. It’s all about natural selection. If you are weak, you will be gobbled up for the sake of advancement. 

John Stonestreet, the President of the “Colson Center for Christian Worldview,” is fond of saying: “Ideas have consequences; and bad ideas have victims.” For my part, I can’t think of a worse idea than atheism mixed with Darwinian evolutionary theory, because that has produced some of the worst atrocities in human history. The strong eat the weak! And the weak need to be weeded out! How does that bode for a world that is bent on war and violence and conquer? Not great! Not great in the Twentieth Century when these ideas converged to produce the worst human atrocities ever. 

And you know that whole ethos goes directly against Scriptural principles. Jesus told us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us (Matt 5:44). Even in the OT, in the Book of Proverbs, we read, “If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink” (25:21). The Bible teaches us to care for the weak and help the weak, not exploit them for our own advantages or eliminate them. 

And you might say, “Yeah, Pastor Tony, but Christians haven’t always done that. Look at the Christians who exploited their power throughout the centuries! Look at pastors and priests who victimize people even in our own day!” You’re perfectly right to present that objection. But those pastors and priests and Christians haven’t done those things in obedience to God. I hope you realize that. They’ve done it in disobedience to God and to the Scriptures. Those who follow atheistic evolutionary principles, though… those who follow Islam and Mohammed, they are absolutely following their principles by perpetrating violence. The strong eat the weak! It’s nature! That’s not how Biblical Christianity works, though. God wants us to love and help the weak.

Paul says, 

admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, 

And then one final command…

[and] be patient with them all.

Literally Paul says, “be patient toward all,” which if I’m reading Paul correctly means not just all those inside the church but also those outside the church. Be patient with everyone. Even the atheist. Even the Muslim. Even the person who hates you and persecutes you. 

Let me just stop for a minute here and ask you, church—How are y’all doing with this? I warned you at the beginning of this sermon that this is an easy sermon to preach. This passage is easy to understand. But it’s hard to practice. So how are y’all doing with this? 

How is this going in your life? Are you an encourager? Do you help the weak members of your church? Do you love them and build them up? Are you patient with them? Those people in church who drive you crazy? Those who maybe are totally different from you? They don’t dress like you. They vote Democratic instead of Republican! They are younger than you, or older than you! They cheer for the Houston Texans instead of the Dallas Cowboys! Be patient with them. Love them. Encourage them. Support them. Because we are “brothers,” according to Paul. Notice how Paul uses that term twice in this short passage, as if to reinforce the idea, that “We Are Family.” 

By the way, maybe you’ve noticed this, Paul repeatedly uses the word “brothers” in this Book. Have you noticed that? I count 13 times in this book that Paul addresses the church as “brothers” (1 Thess 1:4; 2:1, 9, 14, 17; 3:7; 4:1, 10, 13; 5:1, 4, 12, 14). 1 Thessalonians is the most familial of Paul’s letters. 

And that shouldn’t shock us. Remember when people came looking for Jesus, and said to him, “your mother and your brothers are looking for you.” Do you remember how Jesus responded? It’s really quite remarkable. Jesus said, “‘Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?’ And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers!’” (Matt 12:48-49). 

And as part of that, write this down as #3. Here’s something that we need to pursue together as a church family of brothers and sisters.

3. Defy evil in pursuit of good (5:15)

Paul says this in verse 15. 

15 See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. 

“To one another” is a technical term for those inside the church. Everyone else is everyone else, everyone else outside the church. We’re doing good to those both inside and outside the church. With every relationship we have, we defy evil in pursuit of good! We defy evil in pursuit of good! 

Now, that command can be a little slippery and elusive, unless we get more specific. So, let me help you do that. What does the defiance of evil and the pursuit of good look like for the Christian? How does that work? And let me keep this in the realm of relationships, since that’s the context of what Paul is addressing here. Like I said earlier, Paul is addressing how to cultivate healthy church relationships. So how do we defy evil in pursuit of the good as it relates to church relationships? Let’s flesh this out a little bit.

Alright! Here we go. Five things and then we’re done. Here’s #1.

1) Repent quickly; Forgive quicker

You know I’ve been a pastor for almost 15 years. And for all of that time I’ve been saying over and over again “repent quickly; forgive quickly.” Mostly I’ve said it in marital and premarital counseling: “repent quickly; forgive quickly.” And these concepts are so important scripturally. Because just think about it—we repent in order to be saved. We forgive, because Christ has forgiven us. These are absolutely essential and foundational aspects of the Christian life. 

But I want to nuance that statement just a bit. Don’t just “repent quickly; forgive quickly.” From now on I want to say it this way: “repent quickly; forgive quicker.” In the context of your personal relationships, “repent quickly; forgive quicker.”

You might say, “How does that work, Pastor Tony? What do you mean by that?” Well let me explain it this way with an illustration. Let’s say your wife shows up and says, “Honey, yesterday I spoke disrespectfully to you in front of the kids, and I want to apologize for that. I shouldn’t have said what I said. And the tone of my voice wasn’t right. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” She repents. And this is how you respond to that. You say, “Thank you, sweetheart. You’re already forgiven! I’ve already been working at that. I’ve already started the process of forgiveness and your apology just sealed the deal for me.” So, repent quickly; forgive [even] quicker.

Let’s say someone comes up to you in your small group and says, “You know I’m sorry for treating you the way that I did in group the other day. I was dismissive of your comments. What I was trying to say, didn’t come out right. Please forgive me!” You say in response to that, “Thank you! You’re already forgiven. I’ve already released you from the obligation to apologize or make it right.” 

Look, let me be real with you for a second. If you want to wreck a church really fast, I mean tear it to shreds. Here’s what you do. You just let unforgiveness start to fester. Just let bitterness and spite and ingratitude and jealousy start to spread like wildfire. It’ll spread like gangrene. That’s how you wreck a church. That’s how you wreck relationships really fast. Pretty soon you’ll be hacking off body parts, because the gangrene is spreading everywhere. 

And it’s easy to be unforgiving. It’s easy to harbor bitterness. That’s our default mode as humans. Forgiveness is hard. Forgiveness takes intentionality. And it takes perspective. That’s why God gave us Colossians 3:13. “As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”

So, you want to “Defy Evil in pursuit of Good”? Do this: Repent quickly; Forgive [even] quicker. Here’s another thing you need to do. 

2) Own your sin and don’t make excuses

When you don’t own your sin, evil spreads. When you don’t admit your own wickedness, evil spreads. And you stop pursuing the good. And you start to make excuses, and you blame-shift: “Well, I wouldn’t have done this, if you hadn’t done that.” 

Don’t do that. Own your sin and don’t make excuses. And keep in mind, we’re going to sin, because we are sinners. Nobody’s perfect. There’s only one good and perfect person who ever lived, and his name is Jesus, and he died on the cross for your sin. And we don’t measure up to him! That’s okay. And here’s the good news, Jesus Christ only saves sinners. Isn’t that good? We all qualify! That’s good!

But here’s what’s not good—denying your sinfulness. Own your sin and don’t make excuses.    

Here’s a third thing, a third way that we can do to defy evil in pursuit of good. Write this down as #3. 

3) Leverage your relationships at church to overcome sin 

I hope you believe in this, church! I hope you want this. Because each of you has inside of you the Holy Spirit. And that Holy Spirit has incredible power working and convicting in the church, if we will let him. 

Listen, hear me on this: “Don’t use your relationships at church to enable sin.” “O you are struggling with sin; bless your heart! I do too We’re all sinners, let’s not take this holiness thing to serious!” That is not what we are called to do in the body of Christ. That’s not what the Holy Spirit wants to accomplish in us. 

And just think for a moment, the same Holy Spirit inside of you is inside of me. And his power can be utilized in relationships. We can leverage his power and leverage our relationships at church to defeat sin! That’s how we overcome evil in the pursuit of good! 

Maybe I’m just too idealistic, but here’s how I see this working theoretically. I’ve got this buddy at church. He’s in my small group. He’s stronger in an area of his life than I am. He doesn’t struggle with anxiety like I do. And so, I leverage that relationship for my benefit… I learn from him and he prays for me and we grow together in Christ Jesus. 

And here’s this sister-in-Christ at church. She’s not perfect. But she’s got things together in terms of her finances and her household is in order. I can learn from her. I can grow by getting to know her. And she can learn a thing or two from me too. And we leverage our relationships at church for the benefit of the whole body of Christ!

Let me say it this way. “Make Holiness… are we all for Holiness here at Verse By Verse Fellowship? I hope you are. I wanna be more like Jesus… “Make Holiness in your life a corporate pursuit.” Work together towards this. We don’t have to lone-ranger our way through life. That’s a lonely way to live as a Christian. We can pursue these things together. And God has given us the church, this body of Christ, to accomplish that purpose.

Here’s a fourth way that we can do to defy evil in pursuit of good. 

4) Give people the benefit of the doubt [i.e. don’t assume evil motives]

You know we all have these neurotic tendencies to think that the world is out to get us… that the world is against us. I think that’s exacerbated in America where we all live isolated and independent lives. I think that’s exacerbated by social media where comments or attacks can be seen around every corner. And there’s a tendency in the human heart to assume the worst of people. And Satan wants to capitalize on that whenever he can.

So, in order to counter that, as a rule of thumb in your life, give people the benefit of the doubt and don’t assume evil motives. Can we do that? That’s very important in the church. Don’t assume the worst of people. 

And I’m not asking you to be naïve or oblivious to evil actions in the church. If there’s a real problem, you need to address it. Jesus gives us some instruction for this in Matthew 18. “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone” (18:15). If that doesn’t work, you are to take another brother with you. But I wouldn’t be in a hurry to do that in every situation. To the extent that you can, when it’s a 50/50 thing, that could go either way, give people the benefit of the doubt and don’t assume evil motives. Do you know how helpful that is for marriage? Do you know how helpful that is for child raising? And beyond that it’s just a better way to live your life.

And finally. Here’s a last way to defy evil in pursuit of good. 

5) Worship Christ often and don’t take yourself too seriously

I think this is something we really struggle with as Americans, because we are so man-centered. We think oftentimes, “It’s all about me.” And I think this is where a lot of neurotic behavior comes from. I think this is where a lot of anxiety is built up and depression is built up. Because we make too much of ourselves. And what’s the solution for that? Worship the LORD and don’t take yourself too seriously! 

What did John the Baptist say? Speaking of JEsus he said, “He must increase; I must decrease” (John 3:30). That’s great advice! 

I’ll close with this. I was talking to a dear brother a few years ago, and we had an honest conversation about church. And he asked somewhat naively, “Why do we go to church every week?” “Why don’t we just go once a month?” And I told him somewhat academically, “Well it goes back to the Sabbath of the OT and the day of God’s rest. And for 2,000 years the church has met on Sundays for worship. That’s the day of the Lord’s resurrection. That’s the day that has been set aside for worship.” And all of that was true and good. But I probably could have argued more persuasively by just saying, “I need to go to church once a week. It’s good for me. It’s stabilizing.” Because after six days of focusing on myself, I desperately need to gather with the saints and get my eyes on the LORD. It’s stabilizing. It’s health-giving.

You get to church and you start worshiping the LORD and you think to yourself, “Wow God is sovereign and I’m not.” “God is in control. I’m not.” “I’m not the center of the universe! Praise God for that!” And that is exactly what my soul needs. There’s something stabilizing about that.

And doing that every seven days… it’s almost like God knew that we needed that once a week… is good for my soul. So, you want to defy evil and pursue good, church? Get to church. Worship Christ often. And don’t take yourself too seriously. Take God seriously. Take God’s word seriously. Take these commands from 1 Thessalonians 5 seriously. Be at peace among yourselves. Be patient with everyone. And defy evil in pursuit of good.