Now we’ll turn to our text for tonight...I Peter 3.1-7...let’s stand in honor of God’s word

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. /// 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. 7Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Tonight I tackle a passage that Bible teachers sometimes skip over due to the probability of controversy...but that’s not what we do at this Christian church...if you are committed to teaching the whole counsel of God, then that’s what you teach...and truly, I think it’s in these more disputed passages of Scripture that we sometimes find the best and most needful truths...

This is possibly the area of Biblical teaching from which modern relationships have diverged the most...certainly evident in marriages apart from Christ, and even many inside the church...this one has become to some in our society unacceptable, an outdated and obsolete truth from an equally useless book...but that’s not how Christians come to the Bible...to us, it is God’s word to us, our rule for faith and practice, or as the Westminster Shorter Catechism says, it tells us what man is to believe concerning God, and what duty God requires of man. That’s how we approach the Scripture...

Tonight we look into the third of three elements of Peter’s “household code” all built upon the same Gr word, “hypotasso” rendered “be subject to” or “be submissive to”

The first was the command for Christians to submit to the human institutions created by God and ordained for the good of people

The second was the command for servants to be subject to their masters, both good or believing masters, as well as unbelieving masters who could be harsh and unjust...remember Peter’s admonition that it is “commendable” to suffer unjustly because you are conscious of God (2.19)...

Before we deal with the third element, I think it’s helpful to understand something of the context of marriage relationships in the Roman Empire of the first century...women were clearly understood to be subordinate in the marriage relationship in every way...wives were expected to adopt the gods of their husbands, and while the idea of a wife as property varied widely across the Empire, particularly by economic and social standing, this much can be said, quoting commentator Thomas Schreiner: SLIDE Dominant among the elite was the notion that the woman was by nature inferior to the man. Because she lacked the capacity for reason that the male had, she was ruled rather by her emotions, and was as a result given to poor judgment, immorality, intemperance, wickedness, avarice; she was untrustworthy, contentious, and as a result, it was her place to obey.” 

The view of first-century Rome is opposed to the New Testament...Jesus elevated women, treating them with dignity and respect; Paul proclaims the fundamental equality of men and women in Galatians 3.28; and nowhere is the negative view held by the culture endorsed in Scripture...women are not morally inferior, intellectually incapable, nor more prone to wickedness, nor completely dominated by emotions instead of logic, all claims made in the world to which Peter wrote his letter...neither Paul nor Peter disliked nor disrespected women...quite the opposite...

That said, while both apostles agree in the inherently equal value and worth of women as children of God alongside men, they do teach a difference in roles and relationships...Paul bases his teaching on marital relationships in Ephesians on the foundational teaching of Christ and His church, while Peter addresses evangelism as a motive of the submission of a wife to an unbelieving husband...both reasons argue against the notion that what Peter and Paul say in the NT is strictly for the time and place in which it was written...it is not a temporary command, or exclusively situational...this passage, along with that of Paul, is clearly intended to be received by the church as God’s instruction for all people in all times and places...it is to be normative, describing a Scriptural standard for practice...

Instructions to Wives                     

Now we come to the third element as Peter speaks to both wives and husbands regarding the marriage relationship, using the same word, “hypotasso” – let’s jump into the text in chapter 3 verse 1...SLIDE...we’ll look first at verses 1 through 4, Peter’s instruction to wives...

I Peter 3.1-4: Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 

So what are we to make of verses 1 through 4?

The opening instruction is clear – the wife is to be subject to her husband, with no stated caveats...elsewhere we recognize that for all believers, our first and highest allegiance is to the Lord Himself, as the apostles testify in Acts 5.29, But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men. ... a wife would be expected to disobey a husband’s command to violate her faith, even while continuing to be subject to her husband...that brings to light that neither Paul nor Peter instruct a wife to obey her husband...she is told by both to submit to her husband’s leadership, to be subject to him... 

And here, similar to the instruction about servants and masters, Peter enjoins the wife’s subjection “even if” the husband is an unbeliever...in fact, her subjection grows in importance in that circumstance, which is a special emphasis here...Peter sees a believing wife’s conduct as a vital tool in the Holy Spirit’s control to bring about her husband’s conversion... even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 

When an unbelieving husband, in the first century or the twenty-first century, will no longer obey or perhaps even hear God’s word, what recourse does a believing wife have?

She can – must – live out the gospel in her marriage, submitting to her husband’s authority up to the point that he requires sin of her; her witness is her respectful and pure conduct; those adjectives are well translated – to revere and to be morally upright...it doesn’t mean to be completely silent...it means to depend on your behavior as the primary means of sharing Christ with your husband, rather than a verbal witness...as Peter says of Jesus in I Peter 2.22-23: 22 He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. 23 When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. Live in purity and honesty, not reviling or threatening in response to harsh treatment; entrust yourself to God, the just Judge, who alone can defend and vindicate a godly wife...as you do this, you are following the example of the Lord Himself...

This does not endorse nor permit the abuse of a wife by a vicious or brutal husband...if she, or her children, are in danger, they should leave the home for their own protection, but that doesn’t instantly create the grounds for divorce...Jesus’ permitted cause for divorce is adultery, and while separation is the right choice in the short term in the case of abuse or abandonment, eventual reconciliation is the hope for most couples...

I would urge those in these difficult circumstances to give the Lord and grace a chance, and not to leave the marriage too quickly...

The good and godly conduct of a believing wife is a powerful witness to any husband, but particularly those who do not believe, or “obey the word” as Peter says...

The first instruction was positive – what to do – now Peter turns to the negative instruction – things to avoid...in verse 3: 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 

This has been misinterpreted over the centuries...while there is nothing wrong with women wearing plain attire and completely forgoing any external adornment of any sort – think about the Amish or Quaker faiths – that external change isn’t the point of the verse – here Peter is talking about where a woman’s emphasis is...where does she spend her time, what does she hold as most important, where does her money go...this doesn’t mean these things are prohibited, but it does mean that a woman’s “adorning” is not found in the outside, but on the inside...the Gr word is ‘kosmos’ used 185 times in the NT, but uniquely used here as “adorning”...think of it this way: a woman’s created order, her universe, which is what ‘kosmos’ almost always means, is not to be an external order...ladies, don’t let the order which you portray to the world – hairstyles, fashion, jewelry, even skin care...our word “cosmetics” comes from ‘kosmos’ – be only on the outside...don’t let the outside be what’s most important to you...

Instead, let your beauty come from the inside, from the internal... 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 

This description is so beautiful...ladies, could I implore you to commit this verse to memory? What a wonderful picture of a godly woman we find here in this passage...let’s look more closely...Peter advises godly women to turn their attention from the external to the internal, from their outward appearance to the heart...we all need to learn this lesson SLIDE from I Samuel 16.7: But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” Let your adorning remain hidden from the world...let it be a matter of the heart and of the spirit, a godly beauty that the word calls “imperishable” – we’ve seen that word twice before in this book...Peter has applied it to our heavenly inheritance, and to the abiding word of God, and now he describes a Christian woman’s beauty with that same extraordinary word, ‘aphartos’ – incorruptible, immortal...there is a beauty that is fleeting and fades in a few short years...but wise is the woman who invests in her inner beauty, that which her heavenly Father sees and approves, which lasts not just for this life but for eternity...a beauty Peter calls a “gentle and quiet spirit” ... 

I want to draw a comparison here and show you something I found amazing...the word “gentle” here is Gr ‘praus’ – (pra – ees’) only used four times in the NT; it’s defined as the characteristic of being humble, gentle, or mild...it’s used in Matthew 5.5 “blessed are the meek” in the Beatitudes, it’s used of Jesus in the triumphal entry into Jerusalem in Matthew 21.5, describing His humble entrance into the city on His way to the cross, SLIDE and it’s significantly used in Matthew 11.28-30...let’s look at those verses in full...

28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

In the only time in Scripture where Jesus describes His own heart, He uses only two words: “gentle” and “lowly”

Lowly means “undistinguished, humble, common” ... in His humanity, that’s just who Jesus was in the eyes of the world...and it was true of His heart, for in this singular Savior there was no arrogance or pride, no conceit or hubris; never was another man as humble as He

The word for “gentle” means to not be overly impressed by a sense of one’s self-importance, to be gentle, humble, considerate, meek  -- Dane Ortlund wrote a book taking these two words, “Gentle and Lowly” as the title, and in the first chapter SLIDE he describes Jesus this way: “Jesus is not trigger-happy. Not harsh, reactionary, easily exasperated. He is the most understanding person in the universe. The posture most natural to Him is not a pointed finger but open arms.” (Ortlund, “Gentle and Lowly” p. 19)...this word, so completely identified with the heart of Jesus Himself, is the very word Peter uses to describe the spirit of a godly Christian woman and wife...a woman in whom the Holy Spirit has carefully nurtured and prospered a spirit so much like that of her Savior, that the Word of God uses the same description: gentle.

When you meet a woman in whom the Holy Spirit has cultivated a gentle and quiet spirit, it doesn’t take long to see the resemblance between her and her Lord, Jesus Christ...the characteristics we see in Him you can see in the heart and spirit of a godly woman...a settled quietness, a stubborn refusal to consider herself as of first importance, a shocking humility, a deep desire to care for and lift up others, a meekness that isn’t weak, but the best kind of strength...

The world can’t build that into a person...that’s the handiwork of the Almighty God...and when you see it, you instantly realize: “this woman knows Jesus”

The Lord counts that kind of heart and spirit and life as precious – of the highest price and extremely valuable...of her the SLIDE words of Proverbs 31.28-30 are well spoken:

Her children rise up and call her blessed;

   her husband also, and he praises her:

29 “Many women have done excellently,

   but you surpass them all.”

30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

   but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Example for Wives                        

Peter turns from instruction to example SLIDE in verses 5 and 6

5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. 

Peter appeals to the story of Abraham and Sarah to find an example of a godly woman, one of the holy women of old, who submitted to her husband and thus adorned herself, a verb form of the noun we saw in verses 3 and 4...

Bible students will struggle to find specific examples of what Peter meant, but when you consider what we know of Abraham and Sarah, she certainly serves as a good example of Peter’s point here...from going with Abraham as he left his home and headed to a land which God would show them...from agreeing to Abraham’s half-truth about being his sister...to watching Abraham and Isaac leave, not knowing for certain if she would see her son alive again...and even in the incident with Hagar and Ishmael, she gave Abraham her opinion and request in no uncertain terms, and Abraham agreed to do as she asked...the reference where Sarah called Abraham “lord” is Genesis 18.12, where “lord” means “master” or “sir” if used in conversation...”lord” isn’t all-caps “LORD” referring to God...but it was a term of respect, especially between a wife and a husband...

From this story came the phrase, the “daughters of Sarah” – godly women who lived lives led and enabled by the Holy Spirit and modeled after the wife of the first Patriarch of Israel...

What characteristics might identify a “daughter of Sarah”?

Peter says, you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

He notes two things that characterize a godly woman with a gentle and quiet spirit: they exhibit moral purity, holiness, righteousness in their conduct, and they don’t give in to fear..

What’s the common denominator? Faith, an abiding trust in Almighty God...faith that God will honor His word as this woman keeps it, and perhaps even more so, she denies fear a foothold in her heart...no matter whether her husband obeys God’s word or not, no matter the state of her emotions, no matter what her circumstances are, she has decided that she is going to trust in her God...she hears the words of Jesus in her soul, Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

She is truly a woman after God’s own heart!

Instruction to Husbands                     

Now after six verses speaking to wives, Peter turns to the husbands...listen up, fellas...

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

It’s not hard to pick out the imperatives in Peter’s instruction...

“Live with” your wives...sounds simple, but in today’s world, it isn’t...Peter doesn’t mean just text her a few times a day, or call when you can, or chat over video...we all know that couples have to sometimes be apart for a time, but the language here indicates that marriage means a husband and wife dwell together; that’s how you really get to know your spouse...we all thought we knew our spouses, until we married and lived together, and then we actually got to know that other person...

Husbands are to live with our wives in an “understanding” way...Gr ‘gnosis’...you have to really know your wife...men often will say, “I just don’t understand women”...you don’t have to understand all of them, just one...your wife...but you better do all you can to understand, to know, that one...

And husbands are to honor their wives...men and women are both vessels, but Peter says to treat your wife as the weaker vessel...picture the difference between a five gallon plastic bucket from a hardware store, and a crystal glass or vase...which will you treat with more care? Which would you consider of greater worth? Which deserves special treatment and attention, even love? Which is higher priced? For the word “honor” includes the meaning of greater value in a financial sense...men and women are of equal value and worth in the eyes of God, but a wise husband will treat his wife as of inestimable value...

For you both are joint heirs of the grace of life...you are walking through this world together, jointly, experiencing God’s grace with one another...honor that, value that, consider that to be priceless in your eyes...

And what if we don’t? Husbands, God says your prayers will be “hindered” ... think about this carefully...if you disregard your wife, don’t treat her with the love and consideration she deserves and needs, there is an active negative spiritual consequence: your prayers will be thwarted, prevented, disregarded in a sense, by God...in a very real way, our relationship with God depends, at least in part, on our relationship with our wives...

Application

There is so much to apply from this practical teaching...let’s look at a few things...

Ladies, would heeding this instruction require a change in your married life? What would that change (or changes) be?

Ladies, where is your emphasis in your personal life: on the external or the internal? What would have to change to move the emphasis from the external to the internal?

Ladies, in order to be a “daughter of Sarah,” how would you apply the instructions to “do good” and to “not be afraid”? Is there anything you need to adjust in your moral or ethical behavior? Are you trusting in the Lord in such a way that you need not fear anything in this world?

Husbands, are you obeying God’s word in this passage? Are you continually learning more about your wife? Are you treating her with great honor and consideration? If not, what needs to change in your life?